Boundless Time

Kabanata VIII

"Sebastian..."

Tawag ko sa kaniyang pangalan. My heart hummered inside my chest. Naroon siya, sa ilalim ng buwan, nakatayo habang deretsong nakatingin sa akin. I felt like melting. Napakaseryoso ng mga titig nito. May kunot ng kaunti ang kaniyang noo. Tila ba nag tataka kung bakit ako naroroon.

Maski ako ay nag tataka, bakit siya nandirito? Sa pagkakaalam ko naman ay hindi kanila ang lote na ito.

"What are you doing here?"

Tanong ko dito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiiyak. Tila ba mas lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko ng makita siyang naririto rin.
Para kaming pinag lalaruan ng tadhana. Look at us now. At the same place where we first had our romantic dinner together. Just the situations are different. He's not looking at me with passion and love anymore, but with hate and indifference.

Alam mo ba kung gaano iyon kasakit? That he once looked at me with so much love but now, all I can see is hate. Gusto kong malaman kung bakit ito galit sa akin. Kung bakit tila sa akin lamang siya may galit. Gayong wala akong matandaang nagawa ko para magalit ito ng husto sa akin. I'd believe his anger if we were back in the future. But we're in the past. Nakaraang kakikilala pa lamang namin sa isa't-isa.

I want to know why, yet I'm afraid to hear it.

"Your parents are looking for you."

Sagot nito sa tanong ko. Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Ayaw kong makita niyang umiiyak ako. Ayaw kong isipin nitong iyakin ako.

"Bakit ikaw ang sumusundo sa akin? And how did you even know I'll be here?"

"My parents are with your parents. I think you know why."

Punong-puno ng disgusto ang kaniyang boses. Tila ba ayaw nito na magkasama ang mga magulang namin. Tila ba alam na nito kung bakit magkasama sila, kung bakit sila nag-uusap. At ayaw niya iyon. Sa himig at titig niya pa lamang ay tila gusto na nito akong saktan.

"S-sebastian..."

"Why can't you just leave me alone!? Why do you have to force yourself into me!? You have that guy! You are already with him! Why do you have to ruin my life!"

Napakagat labi ko para sana pigilan ang pag hikbi ko, ngunit tuloy-tuloy pa rin itong lumabas sa aking labi. Napahagulgol ako sa pag-iyak. Napahagulgol ako nang napagtanto ang matagal kong hinala. Kumirot ng sobra ang dibdib ko na tila isang labahang pinipiga. Dinudurog ng pino.

"M-mahal kita—"

"Bullsh*t! That's bullsh*t Amanda! Hinayaan na kita! I've let you be with your man! I've let you until I died! I've let you be happy until my very last breath because that's what I've promised you! I've given all of me! I've given you so much that there's nothing left of me! "

Bakit nga ba nagtaka pa ako? Bakit ko nga ba inisip na ako lamang ang nagbalik sa nakaraang ito? Bakit nga ba hindi pa ako nagtaka nung simula pa lamang ay galit na ito sa akin? Damn it hurts. Napakasakit. This is my Sebastian. This is my husband. He's real, in front of me, yet I can't hold him. I can't hug him.

"I was shocked when I opened my eyes after death that I came back in the past. I have promised myself not to involve myself with you anymore. Sinira mo ang buhay ko Amanda. You have ruined me, I have loved you so much yet you have ruined me. My son died because of me...I know that...and it also killed me, Amanda. And it killed me more to know you're already having an affair with someone else. It made me think that I was not enough. That I am a failure. That I was not enough, my love was not enough for you to stay...."

"S-sebastian..."

"I have pleaded for your forgiveness. I have kneeled in front of you, I have cried in front of you asking for your forgiveness because I've let our son die. Ang sakit, Amanda...na namatayan ako ng anak at nawalan ng asawa. You don't know how it killed me, how it ruined me na sa tuwing sasapit ang Sabado at Linggo ay tatakbo ka sa kanlungan ng iba..."