The Heartthrob That Can't Walk

Chapter 28

I wake up on a hospital again, it’s been three days. Tangina buhay  pa rin ako. Tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyayari gusto ko nalang matulog at huwag nang gumising pa.

Wala manlang akong nagawa. Hinayaan ko lang na babuyin siya ng hayop na ‘yon. Wala akong nagawa. Tanga tanga pa di agad naalala ‘yong buton. Edi sana…sana na ligtas agad siya! Edi sana…

“A-anak, you need to eat.” My mom said, her voice was shaking.

“I’m not hungry.”

She looks hopeless. I don’t want her to be sad and worried but how? I can’t even fix myself. I…I still feel the pain, here in my chest. That it’s really hard to breath.

My mother put the tray beside me. I saw body guards outside. I request for it, even Shane have two guards. Pero kahit hindi ako mag sabi ganoon pa rin ang gagawin ni mom.

Everything is fucked up.

I declare my statement about the case. But what I receive? I receive a fucking useless answer. Nakatakas daw. His friends gave their statement and cover him. Though two of them was caught. Hindi pa rin nag sasalita. Ang iba ay naka takbo. Hindi ko alam ang buong pangyayari. 

“Oldie…” I called him using a weak tone.

Agad naman siyang lumapit, “bakit? May masakit sayo?”

Bakit ako pa rin? Tangina sino kasama niya?!

“H-how is she?” my voice crack.

His expression softens, “ayokong mag sinungaling na ayos siya. Dahil alam nating hindi kahit pa itago niya. Pero…ikaw ang una niyang hinanap. Bakit hindi mo siya lapitan? Pwede kitang dal—”

“Tanginang ‘yan. Ako lalapit? Para sa’n? E wala naman akong kwenta.”

He laughs sarcastically, “mas wala kang kwenta kung ipagpapatuloy mo ‘yan!” galit na sambit niya.

“Tori!” saway ni mom.

“Bakit? Totoo naman! Iniisip niya kung paano naman si Shane. Tapos hindi niya maisip na siya ang kailangan? Dahil lang sa putanginang –” hindi niya natuloy dahil isang malakas na sampal ang natamo niya.

“Wala kang karapatang sabihan ng ganyan ang anak ko!” sigaw sa kaniya ng aking ina.

“You’re going to fight because of me? Huh, like I deserve that.” Humiga ako at pumikit ng mariin.

“Kung alam mo lang kung gaano siya katulala, iniisip kung ano ang kalagayan mo.” He said before leaving the room.

After that everything went silent. My mother said she will check her. I didn’t say anything.

I want to see her, hug her, kiss her. But how? I don’t deserve those. I deserve hate from her. She literally won’t do that. That’s how much she fcking love me. She loves me more than herself. Tell me…do I deserve her? Because I think I don’t.

Call me selfish. But she’s more than fine if we didn’t meet. She’ll have a quite life. Hindi na sana siya nahirapan. Hindi na sana nagulo ang buhay niya. Edi sana hindi na siya nasaktan at na haras ng demonyong ‘yon.

Haha, gago ba’t ako umiiyak?

Umayos ako ng higa at nag taklob. Tangina daig ko pa babae kung makaiyak. Ako ba na r*pe? Pero potcha ang sakit tuwing naaalala ko ‘yon. Wala akong magawa kundi ang manood. Manood na nahihirapan ang babaeng mahal ko. Tawagin na’kong bakla, mahina o ano man. Pero…duwag na duwag akong humarap sa kaniya.

Pa balik balik si mom sa room ko at sa room ni Shane. I saw how tired she is. Nandirito ang laptop niya dahil hindi niya pwedeng iwan ang trabaho. Business is business. Pwedeng malingat ka lang sandali sandamakmak na problema na agad ang sasalubong pagbalik mo.