Scared to love

Letting weakness win.

Previously on Scared to love (I just love saying this)

A few more minutes past us just silently eating our food and than I think of something. "Harry what were we going to do for our date before if all this never happened?" I ask. "We were going to go bowling." He tells me. "When we get out of this mess were going bowling because I'm a pro at bowling." "I'll take that as a challenge than." "Alright your on." I say and than continue to eat my food. We eat some more in silence until harry speaks up. "Can I ask you a question?" Harry asks me. "Um yeah sure." I tell him. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

...

Shane's POV

I knew this would happen soon I knew he was going to ask me this question. I haven't thought about this yet. I'm scared to say yes because of everything that will come after. As much as I want to believe harry is different I know if I say yes and be his girlfriend and it turns out he is like Sam the feeling I will get after being wrong twice will be awful. I don't want to risk being wrong or right when I know that I can't do that to myself again. I can't allow a guy to push me around and control me. I can't let myself go through the emotional pain it will cause me to see harry turn into a monster and take advantage of me.

That's why I'm still sitting here looking into Harry's green eyes my mouth slightly parted, eyes still wide in shock and now that fear of being wrong again. Its than that I realize I can't answer him. I don't want to see the sad look on his face when I reject him or the monster he will become if I say yes. So I get up and run. I run all the way back up the stairs harry previously carried me down. I even continue to run through the door when I hear harry shout "wait Shane I-I'm sorry wait." once I reach the bedroom we've been sharing for the past few days I push the door open and quickly slam it shut behind me before sliding down and letting the tears fall. He shouldn't be sorry he didn't do anything wrong. I did I always do. I guess I really am weak. it wasn't just a feeling I got when someone yelled at me, or when my ex pothead mom would sit in her room all day and I was to scared to knock on the door. it wasn't just the feeling I got when Sam would hit me for being stupid or touch me when ever and wherever he wanted. it was a fact I am weak and those so called feeling weren't just feelings they were a trait in my personality. weakness is what defines me no matter how hard I try I can't help it I'll always be weak. even when I finally got somebody to tell me I wasn't weak and to take away my pain by kissing my scares, I still couldn't be strong enough for him. I couldn't be strong enough to take a risk and follow my heart because I'm weak.

"Shane please just tell me where you are." I hear Harry's British accent shout through the house. After awhile of him shouting for me the tears get worse I don't know what to do. I hear him walking in the hallway right outside the door and than the doorknob jiggles a little but it doesn't open because I locked it. "Shane please just let me in." he says voice weak and quiet. "I I can't." I say back trying not to cry more. "why" he asks in concern. "I let you down and I'm sorry." I say not really answering his question. "its okay I just thought you felt it too but I guess I was wrong." harry says making a few more tears fall down my already soaked cheeks. I stand up, unlock the door, and open it. I can't let him down like this I need him he gives me strength and makes me feel loved. "you weren't wrong harry I feel it too and I-I like you a lot and I want to say yes to you but I'm scared." I say looking into those magnificent green eyes. "Shane why are you scared you know I won't hurt you right?" he says as if reading my mind. "I want to believe you and I think your different and I like you I like you a lot and I'm scared I'm wrong and I don't to watch you turn into Sam turn into a monster." "Shane I could never be anything like Sam. I would never hurt you ever and I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to do I promise please know that. please trust me." he pleads. "harry I-I want you I just I don't know." he takes my hands in his and looks me straight in the eyes. "please I Shane we both know there is something here." he says pointing back and forth between us. I felt something for you the day I first meant you and now that I know you better that feeling I can't quite place has only grown stronger." I hug him after he's finished his sentence and I hug him tight. he's right I feel something very strong for him and I shouldn't let my fears get in the way of that. "does this mean you'll be my girlfriend?" harry asks still hugging me. "yes." I say finding no better answer but a simple "yes" it gets the job done I guess. "good, now I promise you won't regret it." he says hugging me tighter with excitement. Than it dawns on me. "Harry I ruined our date. Again." I say in realization.