Precious Virtue ✓

Chapter 13: Melancholy Lane

Precious Virtue

Chapter XIII: Melancholy Lane

[Adrien's POV]

What was with people and kissing me at parties?

First Preston, then Carter, and now Luka? Okay, he was dared to kiss me and that wasn't his fault, but still. What was with people and kissing at parties?

My breathing was rigid and I was unable to calm myself down. After I ran from the living room and locked myself in the second-floor bathroom, that was when my anxiety hit me in large waves, and I had to tightly hold onto the bathroom counter to keep myself steady.

It felt like everything was happening to me all over again. The ghost of Carter's touch plagued me. The voices of people talking down at me once they found out echoed in my head. I thought I had worked through my trauma with Katelin—I was at a new place, with new people, a party shouldn't have brought up my past trauma. I had been doing fine and was even enjoying myself. But here I was, having a panic attack in a stranger's bathroom.

My palms were sweaty against the counter, making my grip slightly slippery. I couldn't breathe; there was a tightness in my throat that made it feel like I was dying. My whole body was shaking, tears blurring my vision as tingles shot into my hands and fingers. Fuck, why did it have to happen now? I was losing control and I felt like I could float away any second.

"Adrien?" Karsten's voice called out from the other side of the door, followed by a knock, "are you okay?"

I didn't answer. I rocked myself back and forth, hanging my head as I tried to control my breathing, but struggled. I squeezed my eyes shut, tears dripping from my face and onto the counter.

"Adrien?" Karsten called out and knocked again.

I rubbed at my eyes before I opened them and let go of the counter to unlock the door. I dragged my fingers through my hair and started pacing back and forth. Karsten was quick to enter the bathroom and close the door behind him again, a concerned look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Karsten asked gently, "what can I do to help?"

"I-I...I can't breathe," I stammered, "a-and the room is spinning, and everything is scattered—"

"Hey, everything is going to be alright. Look at me. Can I touch you?" Karsten asked. When I nodded, he reached out and grabbed my hand, getting me to stop pacing, "come on, look at me."

I did as he said, my mind racing a million miles a minute, my breathing quick and sharp.

"Okay, take a deep breath with me, slow and steady," Karsten interrupted calmly. He started to take deep breaths in and out, gesturing for me to copy him. At first, I struggled to follow along, squeezing his hand tightly as I struggled, but after a few minutes of trying, it slowly started to get easier to breathe.

"There you go, that's it. You're doing great," Karsten smiled softly at me, continuing to guide me through the deep breathing, "you're safe. You can get through this. Just stay present and focus on me, on my voice, and on your breathing."

It took me around twenty minutes to finally calm down, and when I did, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion. I slowly slid down to sit on the cold bathroom floor, leaning back against the bathroom counter. Karsten came and sat down next to me, and I leaned my head down against his shoulder. Karsten wrapped his arm around me, hugging me tight as he laid his head down against mine, and we sat like that in silence for a few minutes.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Karsten asked gently, breaking our silence. I closed my eyes and took a steady breath.

"The Halloween party," I started, taking a long pause to gather my strength, "the person I lost my virginity to was Preston. He told me he had feelings for me at the party and then he kissed me, and we went back to his place and had sex. We became boyfriends after that and I was thrilled because my best friend for a decade was now also the love of my life."