Precious Virtue ✓

Chapter 31: Falling In Reverie

TW: depersonalization/derealization, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, self-harm thoughts, mental breakdown.

Precious Virtue

Chapter XXXI: Falling In Reverie

[Preston's POV]

I knew that I shouldn't have lied to Adrien. There was no point in lying to him now that he already knew, thanks to Luka's stupid big fucking mouth and my idiotic, drunken self.

But my mouth and body had a mind of their own. I ran on autopilot, and without thinking about the potential consequences, I shouted that I didn't love him, and slammed the door right in his face.

I was burning alive inside out. My skin hurt to the touch. Fury blazed inside of me like a bonfire, engulfing me in flames and smoke. My heart twisted painfully inside my chest. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and rip my hair out of my skull. To scratch every inch of skin off my body. I wanted to slam my fist against the wall until it bled.

Luka. Fucking Luka. Why did he have to do that? Tell everyone that I was fucking in love with Adrien? Why did Adrien have to bring him? To rub their love-dovey selves in my fucking face?

I paced back and forth in my room, huffing out deep, sharp breaths. My fists clenched and unclenched at my sides. I grabbed an empty beer bottle off the floor and chucked it against the wall, watching glass shards explode all over.

But it didn't do anything to cool the raging fire inside me. It was alive, red-hot and flaring, with no sign of settling any time soon.

I pulled open my closet and grabbed a large bottle of vodka. I sat down on the floor, back against the side of my bed and popped open the bottle using the bottle opener from my nightstand. I gulped down as much of the vodka as I could until my throat was screaming at me to stop.

I spent the rest of the night like that, sizzling in my anger on the floor, willing the fury away with more chugs of vodka. The burning in my chest kept me up, leaving me unable to sleep.

And it lasted the entire night—the anger. It lasted for hours, until the dark sky outside lit up with bright oranges and pinks, the sun's glow peaking from the horizon. It wasn't until then that the anger burnt out, and I was left chilled to the bone, a wave of shattering guilt and regret punching me deep in the gut.

Fuck. Fuck. Holy shit. What did I do? What the fuck did I do?

The tightness in my chest stabbed me with a newfound vengeance. I fucked up. Holy fuck. I fucked up. Why the hell did I do that?

He had to hate me now. Adrien definitely hated me. He probably wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I wouldn't after all of the shit that I've done. Fuck. Why was I like this? Why did I have to keep fucking up and ruining things?

My head spun, flashes of white dotting my vision. Nausea bubbled up in my throat. I shot up from the floor and raced out of my bedroom. I stumbled my way into the bathroom and crumpled to the hard floor on my knees.

I dry heaved into the toilet. I dry heaved and dry heaved, my stomach lurching violently until I vomited into the toilet. A sour taste bled on my tongue, and I vomited some more.

A sob tore from my throat. I pushed away from the toilet and hugged my knees, and just cried. I cried until I was lightheaded, until my hands tingled and went numb.

I couldn't deal. The guilt that infested itself in me slowly ate me alive inside out. I couldn't deal with these emotions, I wanted to die so that they would go away.