Precious Virtue ✓

Chapter 42: Honey Freckles

Precious Virtue

Chapter XLII: Honey Freckles

[Preston's POV]

My eyes were throbbing from how long I'd spent staring at my laptop screen re-reading over lecture slides and watching videos, and I could feel a headache forming because of it. The second round of midterms was next week, and on top of that I had essays and labs due, and it was starting to stress me the fuck out.

Since I got back from Adrien's birthday weekend, I've been drowning in schoolwork and lectures and studying and therapy. I didn't have much time for anything else. I would wake up, go to class, then go to rehab, then go to class, then go back to rehab, then come back to my dorm to study, shower, and sleep. Then I would wake up the following day and do it again.

I was struggling, and I wish I wasn't. My first week back had been good. I had been handling my busy load seemingly well, but now it seemed like I was falling apart again with the sudden increase in assignments and exams. The worst part of it all, when I glanced around at all my textbooks and schoolwork in front of me on the floor, I couldn't help but crave a drink.

I knew the cravings were going to take a long time to go away, if they ever did, but sometimes I felt like a failure for craving one. I've talked to Marlowe about it and I have mentioned it in my group therapies, and while they tell me that it's a normal part of recovery, I still couldn't help but think that way.

I laid my head against the side of my bed, rubbing my temples with my fingers. The honeymoon phase was over and reality was setting in again, a dark cloud thundering over my head. My heart twisted in my chest, and my eyes burned, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

A knock echoed against my door. I wiped the tear from my face and released a heavy breath. The door opened a second later and Elijah poked his head in, flashing me a friendly smile.

"Hey, what are you up to?"

"Studying. Like I've been doing every day this week." I sighed, brushing my hair out of my face. "I think my head is going to explode."

"Yeah, me too. If I have to look at one more calculus equation, I think my brain is going to melt and drip out of my eyes." Elijah chuckled. He stepped into my bedroom and closed the door behind himself.

My eyes followed him as he walked over and sat in front of me on the floor. He leaned his shoulder against the side of my bed, head tilted as he looked at me with his soft, kind hazel eyes.

For a few minutes he quietly observed me, neither of us exchanging words. I kept my legs crossed and my shoulders hunched forward, hands in my lap, my head resting against my bed. I tore my gaze from him and looked down at my lap, not bothering to mask the tired, depressed expression on my face, unshed tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong? I noticed you've been a little more reserved these last few days," Elijah gently asked.

"I'm tired, Elijah. I go to class and I go to rehab. Then I come home and study and sleep. I want a drink but I can't have one. I'm angry that I can't drink, and I'm angry that I want to." I said. Elijah nodded his head in understanding.

"It's okay to feel like that. Balancing school and recovery is not easy, and you're learning to cope without the one thing that you've depended on for so long. Recovery isn't easy and you're going to have setbacks and bad days," Elijah responded. I sighed heavily. "You've only been sober for six weeks, Preston. Cut yourself some slack."

"I know. I just wish that I didn't have bad days. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and poof, be happy all the time."

"Unfortunately, human emotions don't work that way," Elijah reached over and placed his hand on my knee. "If we were meant to be happy all the time, then we wouldn't have the ability to feel anger, sadness, fear, and everything in between."