Love that Lasts Forever

lost

A/N: words: 1994. MY BAD GUYS. i am so sorry, i really thought i had a regular posting schedule, and, of course, i got lazy. MY BAD. anyway. god i love this fanfiction, its getting out of hand tbh. anyway, enjoy!

The air was cold, Sam didn't know what time it was. Another nightmare, another person he lost. He lost because somehow, some way, he keeps loving people, and never realizes he'll lose them anyway. And now he has Bucky to lose, too. He doesn't hear Bucky pad down the dock, but he does feel the creak of the old dock that came with the place. The one that Bucky has been begging for months to redo. Sam doesn't let him out of spite for throwing ranch and pizza at him.

"Hey." Bucky said quietly, sitting down beside Sam.

"Hi."

"You okay?" Bucky inquired, nudging Sam's side with his elbow.

"Meh." Is all Sam said, before leaning his head on Buckys shoulder, taking a deep breath. Bucky just nodded, setting his chin on Sam's head, an arm wrapped around his waist. He felt Sam slump beside him, could feel the tension release from Sam.

"I lost everyone. How can I know I won't lose you, too?" Sam voice is barely above a whisper, if that. They had this conversation a few weeks ago, when everything became clear. Sam still couldn't wrap his head around that he might not lose Bucky. The odds are against him. "I'm trying to convince myself it'll be fine, that we'll find a time, but I can't seem to find anything. I don't know when to love you, but I know I want to. I know I need to."

Was Sam trying to make Bucky cry at 2 in the morning? No. But he did. Because the truth is, Bucky doesn't know either. He doesn't know if theres ever a time they could love, uninterrupted. "Sam, there was a time I never thought I'd love." Bucky started, "And then you let me into your life. And then you waltz into my recovery, and you showed me how to live and love in a time I thought I could do neither."

"Was it really love if it was a secret?"

"I don't need to love someone in front of the stage of the world. I'd love someone in the darkness, in my worst nightmares, if that someone was you. Wouldn't you?"

"I guess I did." Sam said, finally looking up to meet Bucky's eye. "It wasn't the dark, though," Sam added, "darkness is a feeling of lost and confusion, where I was before. After, when I found you, it was like- like you were this small flicker of light in the darkness. You know?"

Bucky tilted his head, nodding slowly. "Yeah, yeah I think I do." Bucky whispered, pressing his forehead against Sam's. The air was cold, but Bucky felt like the warmth of Sam's eyes. The way Bucky was smiling at him, the way Sam could see himself in Buckys eyes, made him feel warm.

"God, I missed you." Sam murmured, causing Bucky to smile.

"I missed you too."

Sam fell asleep against Bucky that night, just as the sun came, forcing Bucky to carry him in bridal style. He would be annoying about this later, but right now he was content carrying Sam to bed in peace.

~~~~~~~~~

"Why do I smell burning?"

"I thought I got better." Bucky said apologetically, staring down at the burnt eggs stuck on the pan.

"Hm, I hoped you did. Clearly, you did not." Sam joked, making his way towards Bucky, wrapping his arms around the brunettes waist. "Want me to help you, like I have before, even thought it clearly did nothin'?"

"You were no help. You are no help, at the moment." Bucky retorted.

"Right." Sam taunted, unconvinced. Bucky rolled his eyes, trying to scrape the eggs, that are really more ash than eggs. Sam set his chin on Buckys shoulder, watching as the super soldier scraped at the pan with a spatula. He chuckled softly, hearing Bucky mutter Russian curse words. "Put it in the sink, Barnes. Admit defeat."