The Lady of Darkness (Loki x OC)

Chapter 13

I was sitting on the railing of my balcony staring absently at the view. My cheeks were stained with tears as I silently cried. The world seemed colder, colorless, and empty. There were many days I resented walking through the halls because memories of Loki were everywhere. Sometimes, I thought I heard his laugh echoing down the halls. It was as if he were toying with me. I refused to see anyone. Even when the Warriors Three and Sif tried convincing me to spend time with them, I declined their invitation.

There were plans for a celebration feast tonight, but what was there to celebrate? Yes, Jotunheim might've been saved, but at what cost? Lives were still lost. It might have been a glorious victory for some, but for me, it was defeat.

As for Thor, I avoided him. Not only was I ashamed of what I had done, but I also was scared to face him. I wasn't sure if he was going to be angry or sad. I also didn't want to see him because I didn't want to talk about Loki. All the time I spent with him while Thor was away kept invading my mind. I had sleepless nights because I would see Loki's face the moment I closed my eyes. He ruined me in all ways possible.

I knew what Loki did was unforgivable, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about him. When Odin spoke to Thor and me the night after the events at the observatory, he told us everything. He told us about how Loki was abandoned by Laufey because he was embarrassed that Loki was too small of a baby. Laufey feared that Loki would bring shame and that's why he was abandoned. Odin told us that he had hoped that Loki would be the key to everlasting peace with Asgard and Jotunheim. He had plans to have Loki become ruler of Jotunheim if he proved himself ready for the task. Before Odin could explain to Loki what the plan was, he fell into Odinsleep. He claimed that he loved Loki, but Loki was too blinded by power and arrogance to listen and learn.

Even though Odin's words made sense, I still questioned them. I believed what Odin said was part of the reason. Loki spoke of how he wanted to be Thor's equal. He wanted the same kind of love and attention that Thor always received so naturally. Finding out the truth about being Laufey's son would've made him believe that's why he was being treated so differently. The truth was hidden for so long that perhaps he thought I would be terrified of the truth. If Loki had only been honest with me, then I would've accepted him. With everything he did, how could I even show sympathy for him?

I wanted to believe our time together was real. I wanted to believe his sweet poetic words about how he loved me were true, but how can I? There were too many things he had hidden away, too many secret motives. For years all he wanted was acceptance and love, but the moment he could have it, he destroyed it by lying.

A soft knock made my head turn, but I didn't get up. I remained on the balcony railing, leaning against the wall with my legs curled to my chest. My dress—the dress Loki gave me—flowed gently against the soft breeze. The door to my bedroom opened, but I didn't bother to look at who came in.

"I'm not coming down for the feast," I told whoever was by the balcony watching me.

"It's a good thing you're not," a deep voice said.

I turned around to see Thor standing at the balcony entrance. He walked over to the railing, leaning against it. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, I've passed by it. Though it's a lively event, it's not worth visiting. Unless, of course, you don't mind watching Volstagg eat the table clear."

I chuckled lightly, looking back at the view. "Hmm, well that just sounds like another typical feast in Asgard. How are you feeling? Is your heart still filled with sorrow?"

"I don't think it'll ever go away. Is that why you remain in your chambers?"

"Loki wasn't just your brother. He was also my best friend and..." I couldn't finish what I was saying without my throat tightening. I quickly wiped away a tear, unable to speak.