only you-Billie Eilish

Chapter 24

"I'll book us a flight." She says, "Us?" I ask and she lets a 'duh' out, "alright." I say while rolling my eyes, let's see if this works out.

-

*beep*

"Hey, it's me. I-I know I keep calling and texting you but I'm trying- No, I was-I was trying to figure out what I want and-and now-" I say softly into the phone and take a deep breath in before continuing, am I really about to pour out my entire heart in a voicemail?

"-now I know what I want and it's you, it has always been you and it'll always be only you. I know I fucked a lot of thing up but- this-this is me trying. I don't know if or when you'll ever call me back but I'll keep trying. I don't know what else you expect me to do but I just want you to know that I'm sorry-I'm sorry and I'll keep apologizing for as long as it takes." I say but get cut off by sobs leaving my lips.

"I know- I know I made a big mistake. I'm sorry for what I did, for what I said but I didn't mean it. I wish I could take it back, I wish I didn't knock us out of track like it did. I wish you and me could be back like we were before... before I let the words come out without thinking it through... I didn't think it through, I didn't think about how much it would hurt you. I never meant to hurt you, that-that was never my intention, I miss you." I say into the phone, not giving a damn fuck that I'm probably gonna regret it tomorrow morning.

"I want us to be okay, I'd wish I could've told you this the moment we saw us again. l've been a mess and I know I deserve it. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, if you don't need me, if you don't miss me, if that's what you want- if that's the message you're trying to send then I'll leave you alone. I'll stop, it'll be hard but I'll leave you alone. If you don't want to try and fix this then I have to respect your wish even though it hurts more than I thought it would. I'll- I'll respect it. I'll forever regret for what I did so I guess I just- I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry-" *beep* I say but get cut off, wow have I been talking this long? That the voicemail is full?

I wipe the tears of my cheeks and grab the almost empty bottle vodka next to me, taking a few sips. Well as you might think, Alexa's plan didn't work out. I'm a horrible person, I hurt Jacob and I hurt myself by doing what I've done. I always fuck everything up, I-I hurt Billie without even realizing it, I'm so selfish.

And now I'm here, at some random motel, I found in New York City. Alexa is probably out there trying to find me, I should call her but then she'll ask me where I'm at and I-I can't handle anyone right now. I need time, I have to figure out what I'm gonna do now, I don't know what I was thinking, what did I expect? For her to wait for me, for her not to move on? I should've known.

It's Valentine's Day and I'm here all alone, in the same city as the love of my life with that musty guy she cheated on me with. I don't even know his name, I actually don't even want to know his name, I just want to kill him.

My phone keeps on vibrating next to me, god can she stop calling? "Alexa please leave me alone-" I start but get cut off, "Y/n?" a too familiar voice asks and my breath catches in the back of my throat as my vision spins. "Billie?" I ask softly, "Y/n are you drunk?" She asks and I sigh, "I-maybe?" I whisper, "Where are you?" She asks, no, no I'm not doing this. "In the United States of America." I joke while laughing at my own joke, tears still beaming out of my eyes.

"I-please just-just tell me where you are and I'll pick you up." She pleads, "I'll share you my location." I whisper hating myself for giving in so easily, "Thank you, l'll be there as fast as I can." She says and hangs up.