only you-Billie Eilish

Chapter 22

She doesn't say anything instead she leans in, our lips are inches away from each other's and our breath mixed as our eyes continue staring into each other's. "We shouldn't." I whisper out, "I know." She replies and with that I smash my lips against hers, god I missed this more than I'd like to admit.

Her hips push against mine and wow, she wants this more than ever, even tho we both know we shouldn't. Her hands move down my body, the kiss getting more and more heated. I place my hands on her chest pushing her lightly off me and she looks up at me with her ocean blue eyes and her plump now swollen lips catch my attention. "I can't." I whisper and she sighs, "Why not?" She asks, "Because I don't fucking trust you." I say while looking her in the eyes and she huffs before moving away from me.

"Y/n." She whisper slowly, "You fucking cheated on me!" I shout, the anger I was once feeling coming back and rushing through me, but with the anger also the sadness follows behind... The sadness I felt when I found out about it but also the sadness I felt all this time without her, the emptiness... I loved her more than I could ever describe. I felt like she was the one for me, every time I looked at her, I saw my future. I was so sure about us but she fucking betrayed me and shattered my heart.

"What did you expect?" I continue, "To forget it?" I shout at her and she shakes her head no. "Y/n I swear to god I changed." She whispers while moving closer to me, "Do you regret it?" I whisper while looking up at her and she nods, "Of course I do- I fucking hate myself for it." She says as tears start filling her beautiful eyes, "for putting you through all that pain." She continues, "for shattering your heart." She whispers, "trust me, I couldn't even look at my own reflection without seeing a monster." She says while looking down.

"I hate myself for it, every single day, every-y time I see you, I regret it more and more. I tried getting over you to forget you but I-" she starts but gets cut off by sobs leaving her lips. Even though I think I might hate her, I can't help but comfort her so I pull her into me while wrapping my arms around her, letting her cry into my neck. "It's alright." I whisper, "No it's not." She replies, "You- you hate me." She whispers, "I could never hate you..." I whisper back, it's true I could never hate her even tho I tried to, I just can't, it's impossible, it's so pathetic.

"You don't?" She asks shyly while leaning her head up to look at my face and I shake my head no. "Billie, no matter how much you hurt me, I could never hate you." I whisper and she doesn't say a word, instead she wraps her arms once again around me hiding her head in my neck, "thank you." She whispers in between soft cries.

"But we can't be together." I continue, "I know." She replies. After a while, her cries have died down by now, "No matter how much I want to trust you again I just- I can't." I whisper and she nods, understanding where I'm coming from. "But we can be friends right?" She asks and I nod, a small smile appearing on her lips.

-

"I'm sorry but I can't right now." Zendaya says to a man asking her for a picture and she looks so uncomfortable. "C'mon!" He says while grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer to him, trying to take a selfie. "Back off!" I shout while pushing him away, "Get lost bitch!" He shouts at me, god I hate men. "She clearly doesn't want to take a picture right now." I tell him, now standing in between him and Zendaya as she puts her hand around my arm, standing behind me, kinda hiding from him.

Where the hell is the security? "Please be respectful." I say before trying to walk off, "Yeah that's what I thought." He mutters as I walk away and immediately anger rushes through me. I clench my jaw and my hands form into a fist. I hate disrespectful men, disgusting. Zendaya tightens her grip on me and I look at her, to see her shaking her head no and I nod.