In the midst of a new beginning, troubles start to arise. Thrown into a world she thought was fantasy. Artemis now has to learn how to live with a new being inside of her. She needs to learn to trust people if she wishes to survive.
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Artemis
My heart is racing, my hands itching to claw my throat. I pick at my hair tie around my wrist, trying to regain control. Trying to keep myself grounded. My body feels ten times heavier than before.
I try to get up from my seat, but I can't; my body is frozen in its place. Get yourself together, Get yourself together! I repeat in my mind.
"...Blake, miss Blake, are you listening to me?" Focusing on professor Gino's words, I feel a little better.
"Professor, I need to go." I had a talk with all of my professors about my PTSD. When I say I need to go, that means they have to let me. He nods at me, understanding my demand. I waste no time. Rushing to the toilet, I take my phone out, dialling mum.
"M...u...m, help!" My voice is barely heard. I hear my mum on the other side of the phone talking to me. "Honey, tell me every colour you see," She says with a calm tone.
My anxiety has worsened; luckily, I got out of class just in time. Obeying my mum words, I say every colour I see.
"Blue... B-beige," My body is shaking, and tears are pouring down my face. My voice is just above a whisper. Mum encourages me to continue. Holding on to the door handle for dear life, I continue.
"You can do this!" The voice says, giving me power; I raise my head.
"White, g...g...gold," I mutter. My hand scratches my forearm; my heart is still racing, and my breathing is yet shallow. Making it hard to speak. "Purple," I squeak. I leave the door handle and slide down the wall, leaning my head against the cold tiles.
"Brown, gre...green, black," just as I say that, the door opens. Not looking at it, I feel someone squatting down beside me. My eyes are still blurry, making it hard to understand who's near me.
The person going in front of me has ginger hair and grey eyes. Elli! Elli has ginger hair and grey eyes! I sob hard; Elli put my head on her chest. I pay no intention to what she says and focus on her heartbeat. I close my eyes, feeling safe in her embrace.
Her heartbeat is steady, counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. My heartbeat slows down, my breathing slows down as well. I do my breathing exercise. Breathing in for 4 seconds, holding it for 4 seconds and exhaling for 4 seconds.
Elli plays softly with my hair, humming as she does. Feeling myself finally calming down, I breathe gratefully. I stay in her embrace, feeling safe, feeling relieved.
"Thank you!" I whisper, knowing she heard it. Elli was always there when she could. She wants to be a lawyer, so she started college two years ago. When I applied for Oxford, she did as well.
I used to live in Notting Hill-London Elli's family still live there. My family moved to Iffley, Oxford, last year. But Elli told me her family was moving to Kennington, to be closer to her and distance themselves from the city. They already bought everything, just need to transfer everything.
My siblings best friends convinced their parents to move to Iffley as well. I couldn't be happier that Ben and Mel have such great friends.
Between Elli's college and me living 3 hours away from her, we only saw each other on the weekend. She would come to me every weekend. One day while strolling the park four months ago, she met Andre.
Returning to reality, I shake my head and open my eyes. Hugging her, she holds me tightly, whispering comforting words. I break the hug, and she smiles warmly at me. She wipes my tears away, all while smiling.
Even after everything she witnessed, she's still staying by me. My best friend, my platonic soulmate!
She takes out the tissue paper and a bottle of water. Dubbing slightly the tissue with water, she cleans my smeared mascara. Laughing at the position I'm in, Elli joins me. The laughter soon turns to tears again. I lay my head on her shoulder and ask, "when is it going to stop? When will I feel normal again?"
I sigh deeply; I am exhausted! Every day I think, will I break today? I am tired of fighting; I am sick of the daily battle. I hug myself, wanting to disappear into thin air. I feel the walls crashing down, getting smaller and smaller. Closing my eyes again, I listen to Elli's heartbeat.
She sighs and frowns. Rubbing circles on my back, she answers, "I don't know. I don't have that answer, but I know you will never be as you were 4 years ago. You have grown so much, and I won't replace you with any version of yourself." I feel her taking a big breath, "you are perfect the way you are. I don't care if you have anxiety attacks, flashbacks, or nightmares. All I care about is that I can be here for you when I can. I am lucky to have you as my sister."
I am at loss for words. Elli was always cold and distant. I hug her again, thanking her for being there for me. It's weird, always when I have a panic attack, she knows. When she wasn't near me, she would call me. It's as if we are connected.
She stands up, with me in her arms. She leads me to the sink to wash my face. Fixing my make up she smiles at me. Her eyes show love, while I'm sure mine show guilt.
I feel guilty she had to leave class for me; that she has a broken person as a friend. I look down, not wanting her to see my eyes. I feel her hand on my chin, lifting it. Elli kisses my forehead and says firmly, "never feel guilty about my choices. If it means I can help you, I will do it 1,000 times without hesitation."
I grin, feeling happy and we leave the restroom.
Hello loves,
I know how exhausting it can be to deal with panic attacks. But, it gets better., We learn and grow all the time. Don't lose hope; reach for help! There is always help. Whether it's professional or anonymous.
