Stones' Diary: Built for Pressura'

Chapter 36.) Said It All

"During our last session, we ended on you two discussing how you shut down and leave?" Elise spoke, staring at Lucky. It was the next day and week two of their session but Elise still couldn't get Lucky to talk much about his childhood.

"Yeah," he replied, "Before we met... I just had myself to think about outside of my sister and aunt, so I ain't ever feel things tha' way you could," he stared at her.

"Emotional detachment," she said.

Lucky shrugged, "That's tha' term?"

"Yeah," Ava answered.

"I guess dats what it was then," he stared at Elise.

"Was this something temporary or..."

"People used to call me robotic... for years," he replied.

"How many are we talking? Where'd it stem from?"

Lucky glanced at Ava then took a deep breath, "Maybe a couple months after my... my moms died... so... since I was sixteen."

"And you're twenty-nine now, correct?"

Lucky nodded.

"So you've moved about the world detached from feeling of all sorts for... thirteen years?"

"Nah," he glanced at Ava before staring at his hands, "Ten... until we met," he nodded toward Ava.

"Ten years of no feelings..." Elise paused as she mentally created a diagram before replying, "that means... getting into a relationship had to have been extremely difficult."

"He was affectionate with me, I don't think he even noticed," Ava informed.

Elise removed her glasses, cleaned the lens then placed them back on and stared at Lucky, "Did you?"

"What?" he stared at her confused.

"Did you ever notice how you acted with Ava while you two were dating?"

"Not really... tha' shit... my fault... things just... I 'ont really know how to explain it Doc. Like I knew I was fucked up and would eventually fuck her up but tha' relationship was good for us."

"He did have a few incidents when I could see him fighting with himself just to stay around me."

"How so?"

Lucky chuckled, "You talkin' 'bout tha' one incident in tha' kitchen when I tried to run?"

"Run?" Elise said.

"Not really run," he chuckled, "I know what she talking 'bout."

"Ava?" Elise stared at her.

"Oh," Ava laughed, "Sometimes we could be talking or just in each other's space, and tha' next his eyes change and he's pushing me away."

"Like a light flips on?"

Lucky nodded, "Dat shit used to make me feel loony than a ma'fucka... I couldn't control it."

"Your body was protecting you. You spent ten years detached from your emotions and then you run into someone who catches your attention and holds it. You two hang out, date and you're unconsciously doing things your body isn't used to, so like your immune system when uninvited organisms come in, it jumps into defense mode. It was killed or be killed but with you two, your brain and heart were playing tug of war and had no idea if you could handle everything that meant you good," Elise explained.

Lucky was silent for a moment as he replayed her words before nodding, "Yeah... fight or flight... but shit, we here now," he chuckled.

"Correct," she nodded, "How did things go when you realized you loved her? How'd your body react?"