Living in your universe - BTS OT7 x reader

Dark days and rays of light - Spring day

It was cold. Very cold. The harsh autumn wind ran over your exposed skin, goosebumps scattered all over it. The sun started to set slowly, the sky already tinted in pastel orange. The trees, shielding the small balcony in front of your room, rustled gently in the wind, mixing with the far-away noises of this big city, spreading under the hill the dorm was placed on. You only wore a thin shirt and a pair of grey joggers, much to less for the cold temperatures. But you didnt care. You didnt feel anything. Not the wind, not your bare feet starting to get numb on the cold floor tiles, not your face, completely wet and swollen by all the tears, and not the gentle sound of the balconies door, opening, and closing quickly. You just stared out to the city, the rage, the numbness, the suffocating feeling of drowning, and this persistent screaming noise clouding your mind. And then suddenly this picture, this dream you had. Yoongi, looking at you with this expression, this trust, and longing.

You wanted him to be here.

To talk to you. To say, that this wasn't a dream and that he felt the same way, as you did. But he wasn't here. No one had seen him since that morning you met him in the kitchen. He just disappeared, leaving a note that he would return soon and no one should worry. But you all did. Adding this to the growing lists of unreturned and suppressed feelings, your mind was on the brim of exploding. The drama, the uncertainty, the stress, these emotions, and now ... Namjoon telling you that. It was ... unbearable.

Suddenly you registered something warm, wrapping around you, in the farthest back of your mind. The harsh coldness disappeared and bit by bit, your consciousness started to immerse from this dark place it hid, the shadows being chased away by this warmth.

"You know ..." Someone said with a heavy sigh, sitting down next to you on the hard bench. "Joon is just as pressured and stressed with this suggestion as you, Y/N. I don't think he even wants it to be an option, but those are very limited right now."

You felt a hand searching for yours, warm skin pressed to cold skin, as he took it and tried to warm it up between his. You closed your eyes, enjoying his touch, relaxing into his soothing voice and gentle embraces. Your heart beat faster, those unspoken words, those feelings you almost weren't aware of, bubbling up from their hiding place.

"We all care about you, Y/N. Please, don't forget this. And we would never try and change who you are or what you strive to be."

A sudden weight was on your shoulder and after some moments you realized, that his head was now leaned against you, his fluffy hair caressing over your neck softly. His voice was quiet, like a whisper, the heart in his chest beating rapidly. You could feel it.

"We know you are perfectly capable of providing for yourself. And we know you don't need our money. This is not what this is about. But we want to protect you, from the mess we clearly had created too."

"N-no..." Furiously you shook your head, your mind suddenly clear and the gravity of his words, snapping you out of your frozen state. Your eyes shot open and you quickly backed off, to look him into his eyes. "That's not ... y-your mess! Its ...mine. I am the one snapping at you, cant c-control this stupid voice inside m-my s-stupid head. I ... I ... I told you I am b-broken. I am s-screwed, n-not worthy of – –"

"Oh, stop it, you beautiful idiot you!" His hands shot upwards, pulling you into a warm hug, the cozy blanket he had wrapped around you before, almost slipping from your shoulders. "I never, NEVER, want to hear something about not being worthy to be with us, ever again. Understand? This is complete bullshit!" His voice was agitated, his face buried in the crook of your neck. " I know life is hard on you right now. I know this is stressful and exhausting. And I fucking know, that this voice, those shadows, and doubts making you go crazy. I know it so well, but please. Don't push us away. Don't avoid talking with us about your fears. We want to listen, we will listen, because ...." He sighed, slowly backing off until his gently gleaming dark orbs were in your field of sight. "...because .... we ... no, I ... I love you so much, Y/N."

His words gently trickled into your mind, one word after the other. Healing you. Giving you back your sanity, silencing this dark voice, at least for this moment.

"I ..." You looked up to him, leaning your forehead on his with a content sigh. Your hand reached up to his face, caressing over his beautiful features. "Me too, Jin. So, so, much. I love all of you so fucking much." You closed your eyes, squeezing them together, trying to stop the tears from rolling down your face again. "I...I am so sorry to b-bother you with my rage and my outbursts and all these ... fears. But I will try and work harder, to stay calm a-and listen to you. T-talk to you and t-trust you. I p-promise, Jin."

"Oh, princess. Wonderful, beautiful princess." He chuckled, his nose nuzzling along with yours, his plush lips only some inches away. "Don't apologize. We all know those dark places. We are all angry or in rage sometimes. Important is, that we try and communicate it, try to make the others understand where we come from. In my case ... I ..." He hummed, thinking for a moment. "I was so angry at you in that office, because I was so scared. And hurt. That you didnt trust me enough to tell me what was really going on. But most of all I was so helpless. I pictured every horrible scenario in my mind, what he could have done to you ... on this car ride to your office. And this fired up all this tension, releasing on you when I saw you again. Luckily safe and sound. But nevertheless..." He sighed, his warm breath caressing over your skin. "...I am sorry for it. I know it was overwhelming for you too and my reaction didnt make it better."

"Yeah...mine neither." A small smile crept on your lips. "But you somehow pushed all my buttons, releasing this huge wave of anger from me....I haven't felt in a long time."

"Did it feel good ... somehow?" He asked calmly.

"Yeah... funny ... isn't it?" You shook your head gently, scoffing.

"Not at all. I kind of like triggering this temper inside of you..." There was something interesting in his eyes, gleaming ... no, maybe .... burning a bit.

"Hm?" A bit confused you tilted your head, your eyes wandering over his gently illuminated face.

"I..." He blushed, his hands grasp tightening a bit. "I ... argh. No..." He furiously shook his head. "No, it is too soon to talk about something like that, Y/N. For god's sake, we just confessed to each other ... really confessed to each other just now. Not talking about the first time we practically screamed it at one another. I mean ... I had to look at Joons evidence video when we drove you back to the dorm, to really be sure that it truly happened."

"Oh, man. We are really two idiots ... hm?"

"Yeah." He chuckled quietly. "But somehow we managed to find each other anyhow."

"Hmm..." You nodded happily, your face getting closer to his again. "But promise me one thing Jinnie."

"Yeah. Everything." He answered, his eyes fixed on yours.

"Do tell me one day, what you didnt want to tell me earlier. I gather in the end it is something very fun ..." A grin showed up on your face, your eyes burning intensely.

"First things first princess." He smirked, closing the last few inches up to your face. "Why don't we start with kissing and then we'll see?"

"Hmm..." You mumbled against his wonderfully plush lips, pressing onto yours with passion. "Good plan."

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