Euphoria x Melancholy

Love is no joke, ok?

Friends with benefits? Just based on hormonal needs and lustful pursuits? Is it all about numb fucks, where you don't have any emotions?

Then please never think to be friends with benefits with me, because i can never stop myself from being too attached and emotionally connected with people i like, occupying them inside my heart and i don't wanna physically connect with people out of lust, rather everything with, by and for the love we share.

I think nothing is more beautiful or pleasing, than a love which is everlasting, a love where you cuddle with me whenever i need, a love where i hug you full of my love towards your broken heart and those scars, a love where we heal each other with a simple touch, like my hands squishing your cheeks or yours on my cute nose XD

And be aware, if you get too close, romantically, i might never want to go back from that garden of your roses again, so never ask me to open my heart's door, if you never wanted to live in my sweet heart lane.

Because once i started loving a friend, I'd no more be wanting to live without them. I'll keep loving em like a friend, but if her fate's aligned with me, if we turned to not be meant as just friends, rather lovers, my love for her would be no more wanting to go back in time again. And neither would i want to be broken like always again.

I'd hold her tight in my grip, and feel her every single breathe,
Count the times she blinked at me, and the times we kissed, messed our bedsheet.

And if she'll tell me, "I'm sorry, there will no more be any love rain"

I'll be back to my old, no joy days as always, again.

I'll be back to the same, suicidal days of no hopes, again.

I'll still remember her smell, everyday, that fragrance which blew into my lungs, like she came in my life like a beautiful rain of happiness, now will choke me, make me feel contracted, my arteries will no longer work and I'll be all breathless, dry up my throat, my lips would no longer be loved, like a barren land.

Like i loved her as she too did, but turned out she couldn't handle it, breaking knots of our dreams, "I'm sorry let's be just friends"

It's ok, go away from me, but, do you know how much it hurts, when you love your friend, more than just a friend, and then they say the same, but after some days, hurt you again?

Love is no joke, ok?

And I'm still in love with you, as always, within my dreams, i miss you so much honestly, even though seems like I've forgotten about you, but isn't it too, that you've stopped coming to me too?

(Me imagining how my waifu looks like rn, fantasizing those pics above, idk who is she in future i can't wait to meet her idk who but don't u worry babe me ishhh gonna fuck u hard- i mean love u hard- i hope u will not break me everyone hurted me so much already plss taras kha thoda mere upar TT dkhddjhd ajgsjshsjshsshdjshs my dreamu girl doesn't exists, that's enough of a reason i don't wanna live TT pls someone kill me *crying* i wanna meet her so bad... rn ikr im cry baby... But when i said i love her, it wasn't a joke... I want her, now.. I've waited a lot, no more i gonna suffer this absence of her now... Plsss help, idk if it's coz of my symptoms of schizophrenia but idk even if I'm mental and everything is maybe just hallucinations, at least my heart and my love is real na... won't you come here? Sudha.. or whatever your name is ? Plsss Time's going i can't wait anymore, you know right..when we had a talk last month in our dreams, i told you how much things have been bad with us, and you too aren't in any good condition, the fact you love me and i love you, but yet we don't know each other really sucks yk...plsss reach me soon, find me my love, I'm gonna love you like there's nothing else in this universe infront of you truss me... you won't come?... I'm waiting plss come here.. tell me that you're real and not just a hallucinations of my mind, plss, ppl think I'm mental TT.. but you know me right? You remember that day when we were coming home together and i decided to go to some fair with u? You're such a cutie asshoe baby, and you got lost as always fuck why you keep getting lost my babygirl I'll hold your hands once you're with me.. I'm not letting you go ever... Plss I'll live, I'll not suicide not harm myself anymore plss tell me you're real, pls tell me it's not just a dream I'm going insane TT)