Drugs, Sex, and Money (boyxboy)

57

"Listen, I didn't-..." Dominic began and reached for Mack.

Mack shoved him away.

"Don't touch me." he commanded.
Dominic took a deep breath. "I didn't mean it like that, I swear..."
"Yes, you did. You did." Mack threw the flowers onto the floor.
Dominic looked at them. "Mackenzy..."
"N-No, I get it. It took me too long to understand but I get it. You really don't want to be with me. It's fine." Mack began backing away from Dominic.
"No, that's not it..."
"THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID! IF THAT'S NOT IT THEN WHAT IS IT?! IF THAT'S NOT IT THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT?!" Mack asked and finally looked at him.
Dominic stood there and just watched Mack's tears in his eyes.

"I'm tired of having to pretend like I don't love you..." he stated. "I've tried since day one for three months now to not have any attraction to you and to just do what makes you happy. Jus-Just fuck and go home, right?!"
Dominic's jaw clenched as he looked at the floor.
"I-I'M TIRED OF O-ONLY D-DOING WHAT YOU WANT! I don't want to feel bad every time I want to get you a pr-......present. I-I don't want to be embarrassed that I want to go on a d-date with you or have to hide it and make it seem like it'll only be an outing bet-tween friends...Dominic, I want to hold your hand. I don't want to run off and fuck in the backseat then act like nothing happened and you're just a work buddy. And I-I've had to bottle that in for months to spare you! So y-you wouldn't yell at me! So you'd be comfortable! So I'd even be able to have you to myself just for a little! I'm tired!" Mack exclaimed.
Dominic's eyes were watering.
"You're right. I am bad at one night stands. I'm bad at not becoming attached. It's not meant for me. So I'm sorry I tricked you into thinking I could do it. Maybe this really is my fault. I thought I'd be successful b-but I wasn't. It's my fault. You told me what it was supposed to be and I didn't listen. I know you don't want me. I'm sorry for trying to convince myself otherwise."

Dominic wanted to interrupt and say how much he liked Mack too and that he was ever so sorry, but he couldn't. He didn't have the guts. Or the strength. He could only listen to his complaints and feel bad he'd caused them. This is what he was afraid of. He knew this would happen. He knew he would hurt him. And he was right.

"I...I-I...I don't..." Mack took a deep breath. "I-I don't w-want to do this...a-anymore..." he looked back at the floor. "I'm not getting anywhere like I thought I was. It's pointless and y-you were r-right. I'm d-done. C-Can we stop?"

Dominic didn't know what to say. He took a deep shaky breath and tried to think.

What he wanted to say was:

"No. We can't. I don't want you to leave me. I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I said what I said and it came out the way it did. You don't suffocate me. That's not how I meant it. It's just that I like you so much and I can't breathe because I'm scared. I'm scared to let you in and sleeping with you was the only way I could have you and not be too scared to get close to you. I don't want you to leave me like he did, I want you to stay but I know I'm not good enough for you. I know it was selfish and I'm sorry but please don't go. I'll get better. I need you to bear with me, please. I'm begging you, I'm sorry. I'll do better. I can't lose you too."

But instead he said:

"Yea..." he nodded. "We can stop." He tried to fix his face to seem content with this decision but in reality his throat was tight and the piece of him that felt like crying was growing immensely.

Mack nodded in agreement then turned around and left Dominic's apartment.

Dominic locked the door and wiped over his face as his tears fell.

He looked at the door before punching it hard and hurting his knuckles. He rubbed his face again as he paced. He was angry now and began repeatedly kicking the base of the counter with all his might before swinging and knocking the grocery bag of cough drops off of his counter. His tears ran quickly. He took the bottle of wine next and threw that as well.
He paced a bit more as his hands ran through his now messed up hair.
His next plan of action was just to turn against the wall and slide down with his face in his hands. He cried into them and didn't know what to do.

Wanting someone but being too afraid to have them was like getting a really bad itch that you couldn't reach well enough to scratch.
He stared up at the ceiling but his eyes slid down and caught something on the living room table.

His pill bottle for his cold sat there mocking him. He remembered when he'd picked it up off of the floor and sat it there.

He crawled over to it and sat against the couch. He'd done well at not taking them.

He held the bottle in his hand.
He convinced himself that he'd only be doing it so he could stop feeling sad and just focus on his next plan of action. That's all. He just wanted to be 'not sad' long enough to think of what to do.

He opened the bottle and tossed two into his hand before throwing them back without any water.

He looked back at the bottle.

Then he'd taken out two more and threw them back.

He took two and set them onto the table before grabbing the tv remote and beginning to smash them with it.
When they were ground up enough, he closed one nostril and sniffed with the other. Wiping his nose when he was finished and coughing mildly. He laid back against the couch to think about what he should do.
His eyes kept drifting towards the pill bottle.