suicidal love

chapter 10

"Heyy where do u think your going" Britney asked me

"I want to leave this place" I answered crying

"Why baby girl what happened?"

"Nothing" I sniffed
She took my hand and we sat together on the floor

"We broke up"

"Whatt!!? What happened ? What did this stupid asshole do?"

"I refused to have sex with him so he listened to Sam and he broke up with me"

"I'm gonna punch him in the face" Britney screamed

"No Brit it's okay I will take my stuff and leave"

"Oh sweetie im gonna miss you , here take that necklace and wear it its a luck necklace and whenever your feeling sad just look at it"

I hugged her and thanked her for the souvenir.
She helped me with my bags and put them into the taxi.
When I went back to my room to get the last bag I saw Britney talking with Rickey actually she wasn't talking with him she was hitting him

"Takee that you idiot! This one is for breaking my friends heart and this one for making fun of her in front of everyone and the last one is for calling her bad nicknames" she screaming while kicking him.

I laughed a lot while Rickey was begging her to stop and I left.

I didn't know where to go , I didn't want to go back and live with dad so I decided to ask my mom if I can come and live with her although I hated the fact that she didn't like my music but I couldn't't go back to dad's house so I called her

"Umm hello mom?"

"Carolina is that you?"

"Y-yes, mom I need to come to ur house. Dad put me in this stupid camp and I left it and there's no where to go but your home." I said worried

"What about your dad where is he?"
"Mom I don't want to go back there please mom just please let me stay with you , I had enough from him and his bitch" I cried

" okay okay hunny im waiting for you"
***********
I finally moved on with mom because I had enough of dad and his wife his selfish rude wife. I was so happy ,I have to say that I've forgot this feeling ,the feeling of happiness that I was dying to feel it again . I was finally in my moms arms I felt safe!

"Please don't leave me again" I cried

"I won't " she whispered softly

She helped me with my bags and leaded me to my room. It was the exact opposite of me,it had light pink walls a princess bed, there where collectible porcelain dolls everywhere you looked, my room was overly girly it resembled mom- not me and it made me depressed the second I saw it

"I hope you liked it sweetie"

Hell no I said to myself

"Y-yes thank you mom"

"Okay dear, dinner will be ready within 20 minutes don't be late"

I nodded and closed the door.

I was left again alone with my thoughts and with voices that called my name I started to think that im going crazy listening to all these voices
Your such a big mess
Your not good enough to anyone
Your so ugly
Your body is covered with scars
Carolina you're worthless

"Carollinna dinner's ready" she shouted from downstairs

I was pleased that mom interrupted the voices that were going to blow my mind. "Coming"

I changed my clothes as fast as I can and made my way to dinner.

"I made some chinese food and spaghetti for my little angel" she said gladly

I hated the way mom acted that there is nothing wrong with our family she always seemed to be happy.

"You didn't h-have to make all these m-meals m-mom"

"Anything for my little Carolina"

We started eating and silence covered the kitchen

"So tell me how's life" she asked

"Mom I-I can't believe your asking how's l-life! How could you ask me this question? Do you really want to know hows my life? You destroyed it , my life was destroyed by your stupid mistakes dad got married and you left me with him"i said crying

"Carolina don't you dare to talk to me like that"

"I hate you" I cried running to my room

"You're gonna regret it young lady" she screamed.

I couldn't stop crying , why can't I be happy? Why every bad thing happens to me? Why?
Carolinaaa carolinnaa carolinna carollina caaaarolinnaa we're heree carolina , you can't get rid of us just use these blades it will help trust us Carolina trust us , these blades are your friends and they have sharp tongues that will give you eternal sleep and get rid of your pain sweet heart .

Justtt shurruupp pleasseee shurrup leavee me aloneee

Cayyy look at these pink ugly walls you can change these depressing colors with your pure red blood justt doo itt Carolina do it do it

I looked at my razors and then looked at my wrists I didn't know what to do these voices have controlled my body and my mind
I started cutting deeper and deeper as blood covered my floor deeper and deeper until I lost control and fell on the ground.