suicidal love

chapter 21

Destiny wasn't at school today .
I never realized how much of a loner I was until my only friend wasn't at school.
Despite my own desires, I missed him. I spent the lunch hour in the library pathetically reading and re-reading the same line in my book, glancing up every two seconds to see if Destiny was going to appear out of nowhere, flinging himself down next to me knocking me sideways as usual.

He didn't.

Sighing deeply, I shut my book and gathered my things, deciding that I'd head to my locker with two minutes remaining of the hour. I trudged through the halls, finding the nearest staircase that led to the basement.

After locating my locker, I dropped my things on top of my other books and closed my locker's door. As soon as I clicked the lock shut, the bell rang. Sighing again, I hitched my backpack farther up my shoulder and set off, ready to face the crowd of seniors fighting to get to their next class.

I picked a staircase that came up really close to my next class, which happened to be history.
As I was walking up, someone's shoulder slammed into mine, making me fall backwards grasping at thin air as I tumbled down the steps.

Luckily, I was only five steps up, so I didn't fall that far. I landed hard on my butt, getting the wint knocked out of me as people continued to walk on, completely ignoring me.

I clutched my backpack tighter as the people  trapped me from getting up, blocking me with their legs. When I tried to get up, I would have to shrink back in the corner, gasping for air as the legs were closing me in, keeping me trapped in the corner.
I could feel my lungs started to close up, my breathing becoming shallow, and the world starting to spin.

Seizing my chance, I scrambled through a break in the people walking, as the four minute bell had run, and I made a beeline  for the bathroom. Locking a stall, I sank against the door, letting my backpack fall as I clutched at my chest, trying to get the air through my lungs.
Tears forced their way to my eyes, making themselves fall, tracing patterns on my cheeks, making my skin glisten with my pain. I sniffled, trying to calm myself down.

Where was Destiny?

Destiny was always here when I freaked out, when I couldn't breathe, when I was crying when I didn't want to. He was here when I was having my anxiety attacks. He was here for me to help me breathe. So where was he now?

Not here, that's for sure.

I gasped for air, feeling like I'd rather rip my lungs out through my throat if it would make the struggle to breathe stop.

I squeezed my eyes shot as I took in a deep breath through my nose and out through my mouth, the way they tell you to breathe but no one ever does, and luckily after a couple breaths I calmed down enough to breathe normally.
I still sniffled, wiping tears from my eyes.Glancing at my phone, I noticed that it was halfway through history and I just decided to stay in the bathroom until I had to go to my next class.

That thought made me pause. I barely ever missed school, much less a class for something that wasn't absolutely needed, and it was surprisingly easy to not care. I grabbed my phone to see if I had any messages from Destiny, as I had texted him asking where he was.

He didn't answer me.

Sighing, I rested my head against the bathroom stall door. I really didn't want to get up, but the good girl in me made my body move, made me trudge down to my history class and made me stammer awkwardly in front of the class when I had to explain why I was almost a half an hour late.

...

Sighing deeply, and blowing my hair out of my face, I unlocked my house's front door and walked in, dropping my backpack on the floor by the stairs. I was walking past the living room when I saw mom reading a book, she talked to me but I didn't bother myself to listen and entered my room.

I pushed my chair back from my desk, as I read over the poem I just wrote in my notebook. Why I kept writing in there after Destiny found it, I have no idea. It just seemed strange if I didn't. Usually writing poetry depressed me, so I grabbed my Ipod and climbed up to my roof,carefully.

Playing Suicide Silence's new album, I settled myself against the roof tiles and closed my eyes, enjoying my solitude. I opened my eyes when I heard something moving on the room near me. I wondered if it was a raccoon, sitting up and pulling an earbud out as I squinted into the darkness.

"Cay," a voice whispered and that's when I knew it was Destiny.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered to him as he settled next to me.

"I was driving past and I saw you up here," Destiny shrugged.

"Why weren't you at school today?" I questioned, pausing my music to talk to him.

"I-" he paused.

"You what Destiny?" I said worried.

"I was sick" he said looking away.

"Just sick?" i questioned not believing him.

"Yes Cay, just sick"

"uhmm, I missed you"

"I missed you too.  Cay, I'm sorry for not  answering your calls today."

It was quiet for a second before I spoke again. "Destiny"

"Cay".

"I'm glad you climbed a roof to visit me when you're sick."

"Me too, Cay. Me too.

"Hey, listen they're having a little party next to Antarna's beach, and I was wondering if you can come with me?" he questioned 

"Of course" I said quickly, but then remembered that i was still grounded and mom won't accept, "ughh I will figure out something maybe a sneak out" I said smiling. 

He smiled back "okay then be ready tomorrow night at 8."

"Aye Aye captain!"