suicidal love

chapter 12

In the next morning I woke up from a terrifying nightmare which is something im used to it but waking up from a nightmare in a hospital was really bad.
I glanced and saw mom staring at me

"Mom what are you doing here?"

"Oh finally! I couldn't wait any longer in this hospital"

"Didn't answer my question"

"Pardon? You got discharged this morning, didn't anyone tell you? They're happy with you results but they may want you to come in for further testing and of course you need to see a psychiatrist..." mom mumbled on well she was speaking loud and clear but all I could see was her lips moving and it was kinda annoying " so young lady I'll be waiting for you in the car and don't even dare to take more than 5 mins im beginning to feel sick from this place" her voice was soft but hursh.

I exhaled disgust by the smell of her perfume as i packed my stuff as fast as I can and ran to the car.

********

"Your late young lady"

"Im sorry mom"

"Put your stuff and lets go "

It was a silent ride until we reached home.
I felt like a stranger even though everything looked the same ,it all just felt...different I wasn't sure what it was yet, but something wasn't the same. I wandered around the house aimlessly, trying to figure it out. Eventually, I got tired and found my way to the kitchen to rummage threw the cupboards and see if there's anything nice to eat. This was a little harder then it seemed, seeing as though I had no idea what I was in the mood for.
All the cupboards were rearranged and I felt lost in my own house. So I decided I would open all the cupboards and start again. When I got to the utensils draw, I noticed all the knifes were missing and replaced with plastic ones
"what is there, some kind of knife shortage? " I spoke to myself while I continued searching for God knows what.
Then much to my surprise the cupboards that held cleaning products were locked shut. I thought that was strange but continued my way around the kitchen regardless. Until something dawned on me
"Wait just a minute... " I thought out loud (not helping my crazy reputation) while I put my hand on my chin and pondered. I scanned the room kitchen area, and then without another thought I ran to the dining room.
We always had the dining table set out perfectly but now there was just an abundance of forks and spoons. No knifes.
"What the hell is this shit?" I muttered, while I raced into the lounge room and noticed that this house had indeed baby proofed.
I exhaled long and hard, trying my best not to allow this change to bother me. I know I do cut myself and mom is worried about me but c'ommon im not a kid.
I ran to my room and panic rushed through me as I pulled out my draws, throwing my clothes everywhere most my clothes were missing ; they were replaced with stuff that looked more formal...too prissy...too mom. Not to mention how my diary was nowhere to be found.
Thats when mom strolled into my room, staring at me with this God forsaken blank expression.
"Where the hell is all my shit?" I questioned her,standing so I was able to face her and placing my hands firmly on my hips. I was mainly worried about my diary but reading it would be low even for her.

"Why, was it important? "

"No shit!" I replied feeling helpless

"Watch your mouth young lady; your not too old for me to put soap in it" she warned me "why would you need your stuff Carolina? You wanted to be dead, didn't you? And when you die you don't get to take your stuff with you. So, enjoy hell" she had this cunning look on her face.

"Oh you have to be kidding me" I laughed

"You will get everything back when you earn it. Until then it stay in storage. I dont want to play games Carolina but if you want to play...I'll play" her voice suddenly turned bitter"when you're good you'll get reward and when you're bad you'll get punished".

My jaw dropped,and I was dumbfounded yet again.
I tried not to let her know that this bothered me but my eyes changed pleasingly. She noticed the change and it annoyed me that her plan to teach me a lesson may just be working.

"I will see you at dinner, six o'clock sharp" she smiled

"But what the hell do I do until then" I gazed to my room, she took all my electronics which includes my laptop and my television and left some books and my stupid alarm.

"How about you wash your mouth out" she shrugged her sarcastic voice ringing in my ears as she left.
"oh I almost forgot, you're going to school on Wednesday"

"What school mom?" I asked surprised

"Its in the next street all you have to do is take a bus or walk"

"How could you do this to me, I wish if I didn't survive from my suicide attempt,you know I hate introducing myself to people you know that im shy and still don't care uggh!" I cried entering my bathroom I could hear her talking to herself and leaving my room.

I couldn't stop crying, and my over thinking was killing me slowly and there I got an anxiety attack. My lungs were searching for air just to stay alive while I wished I was dead and my heart raced really fast , I hated my anxiety .
I needed someone to pull me close to him and do the breathing thing with me just to re-assure me that im not dealing with this alone.