I Am Amira

||Chapter 51||

2 Months Later
Amira

I'm exhausted, I've been dancing almost every night since I lost my job at the mall 2 months ago. Not going to work made me unknowingly get behind on bills and made me "unreliable" at work. Mike told me I couldn't come back a couple days after my comeback to the club. I mean it's not that big of a deal to me, dancing pays way more than any shop in that mall ever could. I've paid off every bill or at least paid it up for a couple months. I just hate that now that reputation of being a no show will follow me the next time I try to get a real job.

I'm currently laid out on the couch. It's 4 in the morning and I'm just coming in from the club. In about an hour or so CiCi will be up and getting ready for school. That means I can't go to sleep until after I drop her off.

I groaned at the realization and slowly got up from the couch. I grabbed my bags from tonight and dragged my aching limbs up the stairs. Slowly but surely I made it up the stairs and made my way into my room to see my empty but made bed. I've been breaking Amir from co-sleeping for a while now to keep from waking him up when I come in from work.

I set my bags in the closet and hid it behind some clothes hampers. It's no secret to Ciara that I'm back dancing but I still hide the clothes and bags of money when I come home.

I stepped back to check if they were hidden good enough and they were so I left the closet and shut the door behind me. I grabbed some clothes from my dresser and some lotion from my collection that sat on top of it.

I took my phone charger from beside the bed and went into the bathroom to shower. After I plugged my phone up and sat it where it would stay dry, I turned the shower on and started to undress. I had noticeable, dark bruises on my skin. Some were old and some were just coming in. Either way they hurt and I hated how they looked against my light skin. I miss when the only markings on my skin was my tattoos.

I sighed as I looked at my body one last time before turning away from the mirror. I took off my remaining clothes and stepped into the hot shower. I stood still and let the water wash away my stress and pain from work.

It's like my body is always so damn tired and sore now.

30 minutes later

After a nice relaxing shower I stepped out and wrapped up in the fluffy hotel towel I took from Mexico. Don't judge me judge ya momma.

I wiped my body down and got dressed in some baggy, peach colored sweatpants and a wife beater. I lotioned up and pulled my hair out of the two braids it was in for work. I let out a sigh of relief and massaged my scalp with my hands. I was really getting into it when I heard knocking on the door. It was faint but consistent enough to get my attention.

I hadn't even noticed I locked the door until I turned the nob it didn't open. I unlocked it and let in a sad faced Amir.

"What's wrong papa?" I asked as I picked him up being careful of the arm he hurt yesterday at the park. "Empty" he whispered, laying his head against my chest. I knew what he was trying to say. He had come looking for me and I wasn't in the room. "I'm sorry baby I had to take a shower so I could be ready to take you and CiCi to school." I explained and he didn't respond. I looked down and he was going to sleep. I smiled and kissed his forehead as I grabbed my phone and left the bathroom with him.

I miss being home to hold him at night. I never leave until i've read to him and put him to bed but I miss laying and listening to his quiet little snores. I miss holding him and waking up with him still in my arms or laying as close to me as he can. Now that I'm out all night I don't get to do any that. Not to mention my sleep schedule is all out of wack. I've gotten to the point where I just sleep when I can and that's not often considering I spend most of my time stressing or out doing something for Amir and CiCi. Like today, they need more snacks and food for dinner so I have to go shopping. I was just letting them eat out everyday but now they've become burnt out on the same few restaurants in our area.