I Am Amira

||Chapter 55||

Vina

Today is my first therapy session. Amira said if I was serious about quitting I would need someone besides her to help me work through my issues and find a heathy way to cope.

I've never thought about a therapist, my family was the type to say "what happens in this house stays here" so therapy was always frowned upon. I was taught that is was wrong and didn't help. When I told Amira she said her father was the same way and that she had to decide what was more important: her mental health or her image. When I thought of it that way I agreed that health was more important.

I'd never talk about anything that would put me or my family in jail but there's plenty of more things I need to get off my chest.

"Vina Pèrez, Ms. Henderson  will see you now." the secretary said and I stood up. Amira gave my hand a squeeze and stood up to go wait outside in the car. She already had her appointment and now it was my turn.

I followed the secretary to the office and she let me inside, closing the door behind me. I walked to the small couch and sat down. Ms. Henderson was across from me preparing her notebook, "Hello Vina, are you ready to begin?" she asked and I nodded. "Okay start by telling me what made you come today." she said and I sighed, "I'm an alcoholic." I said plainly and she nodded writing something down.

Amira told me in order to get help I have to come to terms with my problem. I used to convince myself I wasn't an alcoholic and that at any point I could stop and never look back but after how I treated Amira I realized all that was lies. Once I got started that was it, nothing and no one could make me stop. I had to fall on my ass or start feeling shitty to put the bottles down and that's a problem. Therefore, I'm an alcoholic.

"When did you start drinking heavily?" she asked and I thought back, "When my last girlfriend died, that was 5 years ago but I didn't start drinking until the grief hit about a year later." I said honestly. "How long were you two together?" she asked and I didn't see how that was important but I really want her to tell Amira I did good so I'll just answer anyway. "We had just hit 2 years. I know that isn't long enough for me to turn to- "Don't compare yourself to others. If her death hurt you to the point of drinking for this long obviously those 2 years were special." she said cutting me off. I nodded and waited for her to say something else. "How did she die?" she asked and I felt myself getting angry. "She was killed. The person who did it claimed she was going to kill me but she was nothing but protective of me, she would've never hurt me." I said thinking about all the times my ex would act protective of me. "Do you know this person? Are you close?" she asked writing in her book again, "Before it happened we weren't close but we were in good terms, now we're nothing." I said and she nodded. "Okay well before she died did you drink? If so how much and how often." she asked and I looked down to think. "I did drink, my family owns a few bars and clubs so I could drink whenever I wanted. My girlfriend was a party girl so that was pretty often." I said, "So is it a possibility you had unhealthy drinking habits before her death?" she asked and I sighed nodding. I guess it is a possibility, we partied a lot and we used to constantly get blacked out drunk. I'm still the same. Only thing that changed was I do it a lot more often, at one point it was every night. "With that being said, Vina, when did your drinking begin?" she asked and I looked away. "When I was 15." I said feeling ashamed. I know that's too young to drink but when you're that young and constantly watching people die you need some kind of way to stay sane. "It's alright, I'm not here to judge you. Why did you start drinking?" she asked and I started looking at my hands, "My uncle forced me to kill someone." I said thinking back to the day I was officially brought into the family "business". I looked up at Ms. Henderson to see if she was nervous or judging me yet but her face was unchanged.