The Neverending Hangover

Chapter Forty-One

After Brad left for work, I turned my phone completely off and drove to Rev's. I remembered each turn but nearly missed the grassy path up the hill even though I was looking for it, as it was completely covered in leaves.

The new-to-me Durango made it up the hill just fine and I got out with my empty duffle, striding to the door, no longer worried about Rev being there. His truck wasn't there and the leaf cover had clearly not been disturbed from the path anytime recently.

I got myself in on the first try and was hit with a wave of nostalgia and loneliness. I had expected it to be hard and it was. I sank to my knees right where I was and leaned against the island, sobbing with my eyes shut.

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Rev felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He was sitting in a hotel room doing nothing important so he checked it right away. The perimeter alarm at his house had been tripped. He assumed it was another deer. A lot of them had been passing through lately, but he checked the cameras anyway, and sat bolt upright when he saw a black Durango making it's way up to the house.

Paige.

He was frozen to the screen, watching her step out of the vehicle with a duffel bag. His breath caught. His heart ached seeing her again when he had almost stopped constantly thinking about her, and was down to only when he was completely alone.

He watched her go in and switched camera views to get the front door view. He watched her slide to the floor, and while he couldn't see her face, he knew she was crying.

His heart was wrenching painfully in his chest and he wished he could reach through the phone and hold her.

Why was she crying, though? Had Brad done something? Why was she in his house? Was she retuning to him? His heart leapt at the possibility and he squashed that hope right back down.

He continued watching. About ten minutes later she got up and went upstairs. He switched camera views. She was packing up her clothes and shoes. Then she sat down and was staring at something in her hands.

What is that?

She continued to simply sit.

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I contemplated about the lingerie. Rev had said to leave it but wouldn't it hurt him to have that reminder?  I couldn't take it home with me, so if I took it, I'd have to toss it.

Finally, I decided I had to leave it but I hoped I wasn't hurting him more by leaving it than it would have to take it away. I left it in the bottom drawer of the dresser where we had put it, but I pulled it all out and set it back in more organized than it had been.

I felt my emotions perking up at hope that I could come back here some day and wear those things again, and I stopped them before they got any farther.

I was marrying Brad, and if I was doing that, I could never be with Rev again. I wouldn't even be able to talk to him again.

I started crying again. Hard. As hard as I had when Drew died. I couldn't breathe and no sound came out but my body was wracked with sobs. I half fell over from my knees to the floor and landed on my elbow. It was as if Rev had died. Essentially, he had to be dead to me. That's what Brad wanted and what I would expect if I were in his shoes. I had to go through with it but that didn't mean I wasn't upset about it.

I slowly drug myself to his bed, where we were the only two people in the world who had lain in it. I couldn't even say that for the bed Brad and I shared.