a cold god finds his warm hart (a avengers/Loki love story) [COMPLETED!!!!]

Chapter 39

The pain squeezed at my heart, my lungs, my eyes, everywhere. I couldn't escape the burning fire in my throat and behind my eye lids. I couldn't escape the thoughts that kept racing through my mind
"You failed, you were in charge of protecting Roy, you can't even do that, irresponsible, on his birthday of all days, you're alone, what would your parents think of you killing your brother, you had to go to earth today. Worthless, lonely, stupid, burden" the thoughts kept racing. I had no more tears to spill, my throat was to raw to continue sobs, I don't care what happens to me anymore. I have been strong for too long. Since I was a child no one has wanted me, disgrace, unloved, orphan, this wasn't my first murder either, I killed my mistress, I should be in prison, I don't deserve this freedom. Im a criminal. And criminals deserve to be punished for what they have done. Killing a innocent stranger, killing your baby brother, running from the police, wanted, working with a criminal, conspiring to destroy the world, even thinking about murdering billions of people. You deserve to be punished.
breaking your lovers heart by kissing another man, putting your best friend in danger, attempting to steal government property, spying on government officials, you deserve to be punished. Being a alien, not telling the truth about who you are, liar, you deserve to be punished. Erasing people's memories, reading people's memories, mind control, invasion of privacy, stealing, you deserve to be punished. Enemy of the entire world, the list could go on of the horrible things I've done. I deserve to be punished. I looked down at the calm black waters, they look so inviting, so welcoming. I deserve to be punished. I don't deserve this beautiful day, this beautiful realm, this beautiful man, these beautiful gifts of mind. The black waters can take away my pain. The black waters can bring me warmth. They can take me away to a different place where I can start over. I deserve to be punished. I stared out in front of me and out to the endless abyss of sky and sun. I don't deserve to marry a prince of such realm. I deserve to be punished. Loki doesn't love me, how could such a wonderful man love such a disgrace of a person. I've cheated,killed, stolen, I deserve to be punished. I stood from my seated position on the edge and stared over the edge into the calm waters. It was a windy day today and just the right temperature. I deserve to be punished.
"Aceleve, I finally found you" Loki gasped, stopping a little ways behind me
"Are you okay?" He asked, coming closer
"I love you" I whispered.
"I love you too. What are you doing?" He asked as I slowly rose myself from the rocky surface. I flew higher into the sun. I flew well out above the ocean until I couldn't see the cliffs edge. I rose past clouds until the air was to thin to breath comfortably. I deserve to be punished. I looked down past my breast and bare feet and into the soft calm waters.
"Aceleve, what are you doing?" Loki cheened
"I deserve to be punished" I whispered. I closed my eyes and exhaled my last breath and let go of the power holding me into the air. Time slowed as I felt myself fall from the air. Every instinct telling me to catch myself but I know it's not worth it. I let go of every bad thing I've ever done. I let go of SHIELD, I let go of Clint, I let go of coulson, I let go of Thor, I let go of bobby, I let go of Roy, I let go of Loki. I finally felt at piece with myself as I hit the warm water, my long black dress tangling around my legs, confining me. I opened my eyes and drank in the warm black waters. I smiled as I felt the accepting waters fill my lungs. My body screamed but I ignored it. I could care less. No one wants me. And I'm okay with that. I'm being punished. And I'm not going to fight it. I will accept it. My eyes drifted closed again as I felt my mind slip away. I felt Loki in my head slowly leave, I felt my heart slow and I knew that it was broken with loneliness. But I'm not alone any more. I have the black waters who forgive all my wrong doings. I'm being punished. I drifted down to the bottom and I finally allowed myself to relax. The waters would protect me. I no longer need to be strong. No one wants me or needs me. Roy's death was my fault and now I can be with him again. I will never leave Roy alone again. My head fogged and it was hard to think. Oh well. I don't need to. The waters stopped my heart and finally my mind and I was comfortable. I have made my apologies. I have confessed. And now I can be forgiven. I let myself leave and I never opened my eyes again. And that's fine. My heart will never beat again. And it can never be broken again.