nevertheless~

part 02

Hardin's POV

"Was, that Trish", he sounds disappointed.

"It was her", I answer.

"What did she have to say?"

"Nothing. Just the regular things.", I lie straight through my teeth.

"Dinner's done, we're waiting for you", he walks straight out the door of my bedroom and into the living room. Dinner is set on the table when I take a seat beside Smith and dad serves us, it's an awkward night here, but I brought it so I deserve it.

"So, Hardin will you be going to the France trip. I was thinking, I'd take Smith home with me for the time you'll be in France. That way, he'll have someone to look after him", Ken proposes the idea.

"I am going and I am taking Smith with me. It's just 3 weeks and his vacations are during the same time, so it all works out", I politely dismiss the idea. I don't trust my father enough to leave him with Smith alone. His alcohol problems and the behaviour that comes afterwards are not something I want Smith to see. I have seen all those things when I was Smith's age and I don't want him to experience those. Alcohol has destroyed our family.

"Oh, okay", Dad is sounding sad, but I cannot do anything other than that.

"What all are we doing in France", Smith asks me, diverting the conversation thankfully.

"I'll be working in France mostly but we will spend time together", I answer.

"Hardin, your mother called me today morning", Ken says abruptly, taking the conversation along with him to the awkward road again. I just want one dinner in peace, what the hell.

"What did she say?". 

"She wanted to meet with Smith". 

"I know. She told me that too. But that's not happening. Smith shouldn't see that woman"

"I don't want to either. She's not nice. The last time we went out, she didn't say a single nice thing and she brought me the same train set, twice, not that I mind, the more sets the better, but two of the same and she won't shut up about her friend's kids, I am not even friends with those kids but she likes then so much more than me.", Smith retaliates.

"Dad was that why you asked to take him for the time, I'll be in France Because Trish wanted to spend time with him?"

"I-...1 won't lie, it's true, yeah. I feel like, I didn't spend enough time with you guys and so, I thought this would help", listening to this Smith abruptly gets off the table.

"Smith", Ken and I say at the same time.

"I don't want to talk to Dad", he says and takes his plate of food too and goes to his room.

"Dad, he's just angry at what you said", I tell my father.

" I know, I just wished I was a better father", he says and my inner voice says, me too.

"I'll see him", I take our dirty dishes and drop those in the sink.

"Hardin, I'm going to go home", he says and the next thing I hear is the front door closing and shutting. I take the last lap of the house, switch off all lights and go to my room.

"Smith", I call for him from outside the door of our room, the one he has locked because he is angry.

"Dad's gone home; can you open the door.", when I don't get an answer, I go to the kitchen and get the box of cookies.

"I have cookies, now will you open the door?", I ask and in the next minute I find the door ajar and I have a boy staring up at me with teary eyes and a shy smile.

"Why were you crying?", I get in our room and hand him the box of cookies. 

"I'm sad", he says. 

"Now, why's that?"

" I don't like why dad has become so bad with us. He never wants to spend time with us, until Trish wants to. He always makes me feel like, I don't deserve any time with my family until either of them is competing", my brother bites into the cookie with his small teeth.

"It doesn't matter Smith. Even if they make you feel like it, I will never do that. You deserve to be with those people who keep you happy. I am always there for you. We don't need dad and mom to be happy."

"But, isn't it weird. All kids in my school have their parents with them all the time, they drop them at school, they pick them up, they are there for open days and annual days. whereas in all my events, only you come with me and always. It's not fair"

"Like, I said Smith. We don't need mom and dad. They were mostly absent all our lives as we grew up and look at us? Do we not have a roof over our heads? Do we not have food in our stomachs? Are we not happy? We are, so we don't need dad and mom to keep us happy, as long as you have me, I will always keep you happy, I will always give you food and a roof above your head. I promise", I hope he can hear the promise in my words.

"I know. I am anyway happier when I am with you", he smiles at me.

"Okay, little one, don't go cute on me", I pat his head.

"Smith, I'm going to sleep, and you better put down that box of cookies away, okay or she won't bring you anymore", I say and lay back on the bed. It is definitely in the back of my head that Smith and my parents do have some problems going on. It's very sad to see that, but it makes me think, I can't always hold back Smith. I can make him happy, but I can't keep him away from his parents.

He needs his parents just as much as he needs me, with such thoughts in my head, I fall asleep thinking of ways I can help reconcile Smith and our father. I won't let Trish meet Smith. She's just not worth it, for once I can think about my father, but not her.

"Hardin.."

"Mhmm"

"Thank you'', he says and I look to see a little boy, who's grateful for his life.

"I'm your brother, you're my responsibility Smith and more than that, you deserve to be happy and that is all I'm doing for you

"And you? You don't deserve to be happy? I have you now, but you will grow bald one day

"Oh shut up, you", I tickle down his neck and he mumbles into the bed.

"Sleep you little cookie monster"

"I love you, Hardin"

"Ew, don't say that, we both laugh.

"But yes, I love you too Smith. You're an amazing brother", I pat his head until he falls asleep. And that night in my brother, I see the old me. He was afraid of sleeping each night unknown about his parent's arguments, but I have made him a promise and I will keep it. I won't let Smith see those days.