nevertheless~

part 32

TESSA'S POV

"What is it?", I ask.

"Are you only going to talk about work and not us?"

"I don't want to think about us.", I answer back, opening my laptop.

"Tessa", he says.

"What? Should I listen to you this time too? Should I at least talk to you this time too? What do you want Hardin? I'm not asking you to drop the promotion for me, all I'm saying is that what happened back at the airport wasn't nice. It hurt. It hurt me to be giving you comfort two seconds ago because you were sad about leaving your brother and then in the next second, you pulled away, why, for our boss. You broke the promise. We promised each other, work will not come between us and what happened"

"Hey we didn't promise anything, you told me, you would be fine with us competing",

"I did. Yes, but who was insecure about it? Who was worried that work will be a problem for us? You. I didn't mind then and I still don't. I am fine with you working, I just don't want you to throw us under the bus because you want the promotion that bad", I put in my password and my screen unlocks, exposing me to the wallpaper of me and Hardin on my laptop. I had kissed his cheek and my hand pressed to his other side, even in this wallpaper he has a grumpy expression. When will I be able to make a happy man out of him?

"I don't want to throw us away. I just want us to be careful around Jonathan. He doesn't understand this stuff"

"Why? Why can I hold your hand now, but have to drop it in front of Jonathan"

"Because it won't look good on you. You're my senior. He would see less of you if he found out you were dating me"

"That's not it. You didn't say that back there. There's more to that", I argue because I know there is more.

"And that will drag both of us down, we are competitors and if we are also a couple, it will only look like we are sleeping our way to the top", he finally spits it out.

He just wants the promotion so bad that he would rather push me and his feelings away than talking to our boss about us. Scared, he is scared, but so am I, and rather than being scared together, we need to be helping each other get rid of what we are scared of.

"So, this is just about the promotion then. You don't have anything to do with me?"

"No, I don't mean that. I am with you, in every way. But not the promotion. Here we are two people in their own boats"

"So, we will just be jumping in and out? You jump out of your promotion boat and come to my love boat when you need to, and I do the same? And what if one person falls? What if I can't jump? What if you can't jump? What if we both jump at the wrong time in the wrong boat?", I question the things he probably hasn't thought of, because here I am, clearly falling a little too fast in love and he is running towards what will separate me us.

"I'm not saying that'

"Then what are you saying. You say that you have feelings for me. You say that you don't want to share what we have with another person. You say that you are alright with the rest of the company knowing we are together but not Jonathan because he will give you the promotion. And then you say, that you are not throwing us under the bus if it means the promotion is yours. I don't know what you're saying, Hardin. I'm sick of you saying things that you don't mean.", hot tears start to brim at my eyes and I rest my head against the table tray, not showing him just how much this affects me. I may have a cold and strong exterior but it hurts when shit hits the fan, even to me.