nevertheless~

part 68

TESSA'S POV

“She lives another day”, Hardin says as I sit opposite to him in the cafeteria, the quietness of the place, not leaving much comfort for my heart to grasp onto.

“Barely”, I say leaning down onto the table, to rest myself. The impromptu meeting with Jonathan drained the energy from me, the confrontation and the aftermath, has taken away every single drop of strength. I don’t even know if I can smile truly.

“Do I have to kill Ichor?”, he says and I, unable to catch his drift of this joke, ask

“For what?”.

“For this, for making you work so much. Is there another reason I have to kill him for?”, he explains.

“No. I just…my brain is all fuzzy and I’m hungry.”, I say and reach for the  takeout container kept there.

“I’m sorry, I hung up that abruptly in the afternoon”, I apologize, peeking inside the box, to get a glance of my food.

“Hey, no it’s okay. I get it.”, he reaches for my hand across the table, and for the first time in 2 months, I feel like I should pull away from his touch, but I don’t. I can’t let the mask slip away just yet. He deserves to know.

“Today was long, huh?”, he asks as his thumb rubs upon the rest of my fingers, stopping at a chipped nail, for a heartbeat.

“Yeah. And, without internet, even worse.”, I say as I stretch my back in the chair, as I try to keep up the image that I am not entirely faking everything.

“Awh, I’m sorry baby. What can I do for you?”, he asks, making me a puddle in the chair, with the intensity he cares for me.

“Warm this?”, I rap my fingers on the cardboard box and make a kissy face to sweeten this proposal.

“Gimme”, he takes the box and goes to the microwave on the counter and I finally get to catch a breath. A breath where I am not faking anything. I guess, it’s become second nature for me, all my life I kept on faking the fact that my family was perfect, that everything was right with us, that I have now mastered the ways to be fake.

Don’t smile too much, they can catch on.

Make a joke every now and then, to change the air around you.
Don’t ever let them see you’re sad, nobody likes to be around sad people.

“Here”, he says, putting the now plated pasta in front of me, with a fork and the tissue box.

“Thank you”, I show my appreciation, as he leans down and kisses my neck.

“Do you mind, If i sit with you here?”, he asks, taking a second to whisper, and going back to kissing me.

“No, why would I mind?”, I ask

“I just thought that since we’re not fully exclusive and besides, we’re still in office so I figured..”, he stands to his full height and says, hoping I pick up on the end of that sentence, which I do very perfectly.

“It’s 8 PM. Nobody is coming to the cafeteria.”, I say, and he places a last kiss on my head and moves his chair close to mine.

“Hi”, he says, sweetly, putting his arm behind my chair and I lean back onto his forearm, the change bringing comfort to me from the metal back I was leaning onto before.

“Did you get the call?”he asks, as I dig into the pasta, shoving two forkfuls in my mouth so I don’t have to answer the question because I really don’t want to.

I hold my finger up, giggling to get a second to chew properly and think about what I must answer to this, the truth or the big lie I am supposed to still map out in my head.