nevertheless~

part 14

TESSA'S POV

It's been four days and I can't stop thinking about my feelings. It's stupid really. When I was with Nash, I never felt anything like this. Ever.

I can't forget his green eyes. The screensaver he had of his brother and himself. His scent. His lips. His word, what he stirs inside me with one look in his eyes and one touch of his fingers on me and just him.

For four days, I had to stop myself from asking why he was behaving so cold with me. We had our overtime, but Hardin had stopped being that flirtatious and easy-to-go with Hardin. He had become the cold exterior Hardin, the one I knew the first day of work and I hated that so much because he wouldn't even talk to me. We would be in the same room, and I'd ask him something, but he won't be answering me in anything other than one or two sentences.

During our overtime too, he'd finish his part of the work and leave early, leaving without giving us any other work. He didn't give me new files and he just himself finished them. He didn't ask for my answer to anything. It's like, for four days, I was invisible to him, but I just couldn't get him out of the damn system! How could I, when he was sitting just 3 feet away in the same cabin as mine, wearing suits these days now? Why the sudden change from shirts to suits, but fuck if the suit doesn't fit him well in all the right places. I can't even ogle at him, because he won't acknowledge that and pull my leg on it. at least, we would be rivals but he even took that away. He didn't do timeless banter with me; we didn't tease each other or anything.

Although, today as I got ready, I decided I would dress to grab his attention. I know, it's a solid dick move, but I could care less. I want his undivided attention for one day, maybe it's the mommy issues, yes, it is that; but when you grow up with the wrong set of parents who neglect you or choose something else more than they choose you, you end up like this, broken, fragile and scraping any form of affection, even if it means you have to dress up for it.

Luckily, I am won't be the only one dressing up, because as I got ready this morning Nora texted me saying that the office is having a night out for everyone, a party to celebrate our tour of France. I catch the first Uber I find and rush to the store, I decided while breakfast that today I want to even smell different. I want to blow his goddamn head off when I enter the office and if we will be going to a party, I sure as hell want to smell good, it's a weekend.

The store lady picks me an option, more floral and softer. That is my regular, if I am bringing such huge changes in my life, by putting forth what I want and not what my mother wants for me, I don't want to be floral and soft on my decisions.

She picks another bottle, one that smells a bit like, leather and soap. If I am about to start a relationship, one that I might be serious about because I did more than enough thinking about during the, 4 days, I don't want to look foamy in my judgement.

She then picks a bottle and gives me a spray on the card to sniff and when I do, my eyes get blown away as I keep sniffing the paper. It smells so much like him. It's alcoholic, stronger and it hits in the first sniff, however, as that is the case, it also then settles the blow of the hit with a floral yet exciting scent, it's almost like it is alcohol in this bottle itself.

"Let's pack this please", I kindly ask the store lady who goes to get me a new bottle and after I checkout is when I see the label on the bottle. It reads that the fragrance is named as 'secrets qu'elle a', God only knows what this means, but it has something to do with secrets, I could decipher that much from my broken knowledge and thus I spray it around my neck, a little in my hair, and some on my wrist. I'd be glad if he could just touch my wrist and get the scent on his hand. Truly, anything is fine, the coldness between us has to disappear, I don't care what method I have to use for it.

I realize that I've run late as I rush to the Cabin and I try to run as fast my feet take me and with these heels, it's not looking like something I am enabled to the power of however I still reach the cabin and I find my nemesis, who I am in deep feelings for, sitting on his desk and working. I've not had the privilege of seeing him in anything but suits for 4 days and this site doesn't feel bad.

When I enter the cabin, the space suddenly feels small, our cabin is big, it's spacious too since we are both the HODs, we do get big cabins but entering this right now, makes it small, when I shut the door, I hear his deep voice, curse in his British accent, his gaze stuck on mine for a while.

"Why are you looking at me like that?", I ask and he makes the silly comment I was hoping for that provides me with so much relief to breathe in. When finally, we come to a middle ground to talk into, and just as my heart was getting a little settled into that, I get a call from the last person I am interested in talking to.

"Yes. Doctor Nick", I answer in the receiver with a pissed voice. I have no right to be mad at him, all he's doing is informing me about my father's health.

"How've you been Ms Tessa?", he chimes. How are doctors so carefree? I am always working and I'm damn stressed, how are doctors not stressed?

"I've been okay. Why did you call so suddenly?".

"It's about your dad. He's getting really great. I was just wondering if you can bring him someday to the hospital. We'd like to do a scan and prepare some new reports."

"Yeah, sure. I can bring him. When would be fine?", I ask.

"So, seeing he's getting better and we just have to hold him for another one month before the operation. You can bring him, next week", wait. What?

"ANOTHER MONTH", I ask, shocked to my core. I thought, his operation wouldn't happen until another 3 months.

"Yes. I told you this, hasn't it?", NO HE HASN'T!

"No, we haven't spoken about my dad, in a good while, like, since a long time", he says.

"Wait, have you spoken to my mother about this?", I asked hoping the answer is no, but when do things go the way I hope them to.

"Yes, I have. I thought she told you", no shit sherlock.

"She hasn't. You don't need to worry, I'll speak to her and bring dad to the hospital for the scan next week", I say and hang up, instantly wanting to call my mother for this bullshit she just pulled.

I dial her twice, but she doesn't pick up my calls. And this hypocritical woman talks to me about how I don't call her after I get from work. Bitch! I give up after dialling her a few more times and leave her a 'call me' message.

"Tessa", I hear Ichor's voice call for me from behind me and I swivel back to find him looking me up and down, with eyes of fascination.

"Yeah", I ask.

"Good morning", he says after a single heartbeat of silence between us.

"Morning. You had some work?".

"I. ugh..how do I say, so I know we don't know each other but, I just... I wanted you to come to the club with me if you want to that is", he stutters and asks me the most ridiculous question of all time.

"I am not going to go 'with' someone, I'm going by myself", I brush him off politely. How do I tell him I'm not interested in him when he's literally just being nice to me and nothing else?

"Oh, alright", he laughs awkwardly.

"Look, I know you are interested in me, but I'm not interested in you. At least not for now. And you should focus on your work, you're still at an internship here", I try to be a little strict.

"I know, I just, I admire you so much". OKAY STOP!

"I'm glad you do, but nothing's happening here", he leaves after that with a sad smile.

This is so weird, I have two men liking me, both of whom, I'm incapable of liking back and I can't think of ways to solve this problem here. I might like Hardin, but I don't know If I'm ready to explore this feeling with him. Hopefully, everything will solve itself before the France trip. God only knows what this means, but it has something to do with secrets, I could decipher that much from my broken knowledge and thus I spray it around my neck, a little in my hair, and some on my wrist. I'd be glad if he could just touch my wrist and get the scent on his hand. Truly, anything is fine, the coldness between us has to disappear, I don't care what method I have to use for it.