nevertheless~

part 79

HARDIN’S POV

Silently I sit down on the couch in the master bedroom as I sit and think about today and what can happen tonight. There’s no way she’s sleeping with me, for sure. Neither it is what I want. I just want to talk, if she’d give us a chance. I watch her as she goes to shut the door, lock it, and she comes back to me.

“Hey”, she says softly, as she stands in front of me, her hands unsurely going to the front and locking together in each other.

“Hmm”, I hum silently into the empty room, not knowing what to say, as I lean forward and unlock her hands and take each in mine. Kissing the back of her wrist, the knuckles, the red angry freckles I know there are, the little black divots, the tip of her nails from this end and I hear a sniffle tumble from her as my eyes shoot up to her and not knowing much, I pull her hands behind my neck and pull her thighs to the either sides of my body to bring her close to me.

“What’s wrong?”, I ask, as I sit her on my lap. Today has been a long day of comforting others for me, but this girl right here. I do everything for her. The girl sitting in my lap, crying about something, is the reason why I spent $700 on one night and flew from Paris to the US in one day to help her. She is why. I love her too much to let us die. I love her enough to give her a week’s space to clear her mind, and I love her enough to let her go once, but I don’t love her when she cries. I hate that. I hate everything that makes her cry, because I only love her.

“Don’t you know”, she mumbles and I wrap my arms around her. I know I told myself that I would sit her down, give her a good earful about what she did back in Paris and the nine yards, but I can’t.

“I know baby”, I whisper and turn her head sideways to rest on my shoulder, as I hold her.

“What can I do to help? Tell me?”, I ask, even though my own heart is breaking at my betrayal as I hold her.

“I’m so tired, Hardin.”, she says and I feel her slackening in my arms as I stroke her hair.

“Wanna get in bed?”, I ask even though I get up with her in my arms and lay her on her side on the bed without waiting for her answer.

“Don’t leave me”, she cries into the pillow as I momentarily get up to turn off the lights.

“Lights”, I say and turn them off as I get back in bed with her. I know tonight was going to be tough to run through with, but I hope it only goes easier.

“Can you hold me?”, she whispers and shivers as the cold covers her. It’s the last of the colds before the summer here, but seeing that this side of the house is on the ground, one can blame the geographics of the place for that.

“Mhmm”, I hum a yes, and push my arms towards her, laying on our side, I pull her towards me, facing me and I put a hand above our heads covering her and one hand behind her back so I can still rub her back.

“Can…do you think it's okay if I talk to you. You’re the only person who I can speak to”, she murmurs into my side, as I look down at her, her eyes sullen, the light from her face gone. Her sadness is contagious to me.

“Talk to me”, I say, kissing the crown of her head.

“I was so scared, Hardin”, she says, her back shaking as she cries against my chest.

“I was scared she was going to hurt us. I should’ve known coming back wouldn’t have ended nicely but I did for her. I came back for her and she did this to me. I was so wrong”, my heart pounds in its cage as I hear this and I feel myself hating Carol even more than before if that was possible. Maybe I should drive Tessa’s rental back to her house and actually fucking kill her so there can be some sort of poetic justice that I can give Tessa, but I push those thoughts aside as I resort to giving her the comfort she wants.