anemoia || a maze runner fanfiction (Newt x reader // Minho x reader)

chapter twenty-eight | 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔

It felt like you finally woke up from a dream you would try to keep on dreaming by closing your eyes again. But it didn't work, the dream was only a blur and vanished completely. This dream was impossible and the realization hit you like cold rain.

"Minho..." you whispered.

You felt your heart breaking. Seeing him standing there with this kind of betrayal in his dark brown eyes, betrayal that you caused. You knew all along that you couldn't have both of them, but it had been so easy to pretend until now. There was a hot wave of guilt, embarrassment and sadness washing over you. It pushed you down and you were unable to breathe, unable to catch a clear thought. You couldn't remember how you thought everything would work out, because right now three dreams were shattered, all because of you.

"I- I can explain-" you started, but were cut off by Minho "You don't need to explain anything, Y/n" he hissed your name, he didn't even bother to hide the anger and sadness he was feeling right now. And the worst part was, that he was right: You didn't need to explain anything. What was there to explain? That you had been selfish without thinking about any consequences? You turned to look at Newt, but he just looked down disappointed and frustrated. You wanted him to have your back or at least say something, but he kept quiet. And you didn't blame him.

Minho also didn't bother to say another word. You looked back and forth between them, but it seemed as everyone had lost their voice, everyone was way too captured in their thoughts. Tears started to run down your cheeks and fell down onto the grass. "Please" you croaked, it was nearly a whisper, but both of them didn't even look at you. So you slowly stood up, your knees trembling and your breath unsteady. "I- I'm so sorry" you cried, your vision now blurry from the tears in your eyes. Both boys punished you with silence.

You started to walk away and after a few steps, you started to run. You run as fast as your legs could carry you. You didn't have a destination in mind, you just wanted to get away from Minho and Newt, away from the situation, away from the consequences of the problems you caused. After a while you felt the air burning in your lungs, but you didn't bother to slow down, if you'd slow down problems and consequences would catch up. So all you could do was to continue running away.

As you crossed half of the Glade, you saw someone in the distance. Even though your vision was blurry, you could see him clearly. He was the only person you could turn to right now, he was your safe haven. You gathered the last of your strength and ran towards him. "Hank!" you cried out as you started to approach him, slowing down until you were slowly walking towards him. Your face was red and your arms hung weakly from your shoulders. He turned to you and his eyes widened.

"Y/n" he said as he placed his hands on your shoulders. The weight of his hands helped you to ground yourself and gave you somewhat comfort. "What happened?" he asked and you slowly lifted your head to look into his familiar green eyes. "I messed up" was everything you were able to say before you started to cry again "I messed up, Hank" you helplessly repeated yourself. Hank gulped and looked around for a second "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked in a low voice. Your throat was tight, so you just shook your head no under small whimpers. "Do you want me to just hold you?" he asked again and this time you nodded.

He wrapped his arms around your torso and pulled you close, laying his chin on the top of your head. As soon as he took you in his embrace, you buried your face in his chest and started to cry without any restraint. "Everythings going to be okay" whispered Hank, "I promise you, Y/n" he assured you as he stroked the back of your head. You felt yourself shaking and every time you thought you were about to calm down, you started to cry once again as if you were trapped in a vicious cycle.

The feeling of guilt boiled inside you and got stronger with every breath you took. How could you be so selfish? How couldn't you think about the fact that it couldn't go on like this forever? You had always known that you needed to make a choice at some point, but this choice was now invalid as neither Minho nor Newt could ever feel something other than betrayal towards you. You clinged onto Hank's shirt, so that you didn't drown in your thoughts. Everything around you fell apart, but this time, it was your own fault.