She confessed.
Right in front of my eyes. Yes. Me and the girls flew here in Thailand the day before her interview, Ella gave me all the information as I told the girls and headed us here. Everything seems in slow motion. I never expected something big like this.
Should I run away?
Am I scared? No I am not.
But why do I felt so nervous all of a sudden when I knew all of it since then?
Am I ready for this?
It was 2018, when JenLisa shipped trends worldwide. Everyone was greeting us on our 1st year anniversary in one of our show, "Star Road". I remember how my heart wants to jump in excitement on how the fans went crazy about our ship. We were reading lots of comments us I secretly glanced at Lisa who was sitting at my right side while sharing the iPad with Jisoo. Her face has no reaction and dull. I pretend to be curious but it felt so nice when suddenly a fan commented "you posted a prom pic a year ago babe" and that brought me back to my memory where one of our photoshoot in a magazine happened where Lisa wore something that resembled her to become the man in the group. That time I felt like we were wearing a couple outfit although the four of us wore the same color. The caption I made came from the bottom of my heart. It's true that Lisa will be the hottest date and I would like to introduced her as my boyfriend but I knew that time, she was still confused and in denial about her feelings.
It was obvious though but Lisa remained silent about it. She may showed it through her actions but despite being my knight in shining armor, she never wanted to talk about it as Lisa and I remained romantically involved but no one dared to talked about it until January 2019 came.
The group knew about the media play of me and Kai but Lisa still obviously hurt. She never talked about it but still, it shows. Sometimes she distanced herself and spent most of her time with her Thai idol friends, she never showed me her cares unlike before but she acts like it was not a big deal to her. It hurts me too but I can't do anything about it. Kai was nothing but a good employee to his boss. He done it with Krystal and now with me to help me gain the popularity that the company wants me to be while promoting solo and it helps but the fact that I was slowly losing her stabs me inside and I decided to end the act. Lisa's more important to me than anything else.
January 25, our acts ended which made me even happier. But the company especially Mr. Yang wasn't. At the first year of our debut, it were always Jennie and Lisa then Jisoo and Rose' but after begging them to stop the media play between me and Kai, Mr.Yang became so strict with me and Lisa. They added a rule that me and Lisa will never be seen sweet in public even if it will make our fans go wild and frenzy. Now, the new set-up were always Jenni and Jisoo then Lisa and Rose'. Everytime we will sit beside each other, there were always staffs that would stop us from interacting or tell Jisoo and Rose to stop us from being so clingy.
We remained that way as we flew on different countries with our concert around the world. Every time Lisa and I interacts, fans were screaming louder and getting loudest. Maybe they could sense the real feelings we had with each other.
But one day, I needed to attend one of Chanel's event that I needed to sing some songs in front of the visitors and one of them was Harry Style. I invited Lisa since Chahee and other staff was there, but her schedule conflicts my own. I was so clingy when it comes with Lisa and everyone around us knew about that. Chahee as my bestfriend knew about what's going on between me and Lili. Until in the middle of my performance while singing "Can't take my eyes off of you" Chahee on my left-end side caught my attention while she was waving her hands at me and it made me smile wide while singing. I was supposed to interact and acted flirty with Harry Styles in front but I can't help but pointed out the special person I missed that time. With her black cap inside her black hoodie with the face mask on, I know it was her. The most beautiful brown orbs looking proud at me even if I couldn't see her face, but her eyes tells it all.
Everything seems so perfect with our low key dates, sometimes I had overnights in her own apartment, or she will have an overnight at my home but the true deal about us never opened up. I know Lisa would be scared with the thought of getting criticized and hate comments about her will be more harsh and powerful. Being gay in South Korea was not fully acceptable and Lisa being a foreigner adds up the hate she would receive.
The silent unknown relationship still occurs and then another media play came out about me and G-Dragon but Lisa never gave a shit anymore. We became stronger than before.
Months, years came.. But I broke down. Year 2025. Lisa flew in and out of South Korea because of her businesses. She became busy and so am I. But Lisa's absence made me gave time with my other friends especially Mino. He is a really good friend of mine. He wanted to courted me since 2019 but I always rejected him because of Lisa. Mino remained my friend and when I needed someone who can accompany me, he was always there, Until some photos of us spread all over the Social Media. The rumors that Mino and I dating spreads fast like a wildfire.
Lisa didn't answer my calls or text messages and I had an idea on why she was acting like a jerk to me. After three days without talking with me, she came home and I was the last one who knew with Jisoo's help. I had my hopes high that me and Lisa would be still the same. But I was wrong.
"Hey Monkey! Jennie is here!" I entered her apartment as Leo came welcoming me with his meow. I was about to approach Lisa when cold breeze run down my spine. She didn't even looked at me.
"Hey" I said in almost whispered as I approached her in the kitchen.
"hey" she greeted back in a cold tone.
"Where's Mino?" She asked that made my fist clenched.
"you've been out of contacts for three days" I said almost begging.
"ow. So you can enjoy your time with Mino" She sarcastically answered that made my blood boil.
"d-do we have a problem?" My voice cracks and I saw her stiffen while her back facing me.
"Us? I don't have a problem Jennie. To be honest, I am more than happy for you" She said and walk out the kitchen. My tears started to fall as I followed her to her room.
"Lisa please talk to me!"
"with what Jennie?! With how your pictures with Mino almost screamed sweetness to me?! Or with how your hand clings around him?! Oh wait! I know! We will talk about how you and MIno ended up hugging each other in front of your house Jennie! Is that what you want to talk about?!" This is the first time Lisa shouted in front of us.
"Lisa your voice! I said talk with peace not like this!" Jisoo interrupted but Lisa's eyes started to water as she looks up to stop the tears.
"please talk peacefully Lisa. We will be at the Kitchen if you need us." Rose calmly said and we heard the door closed.
"i know how the pictures went out but it's not what it looks like." I said.
"I know Jen. I know. I'm sorry for shouting at you but-" Lisa said and stopped. I walk forward to sit beside her.
"This- Us" She continued.
"You and I know that we are nothing Jen. We will never happen." She said. It hurts but we both know that whatever we did, people will only hate us.
"When I saw your pictures, my heart crushed into pieces Jen. Not because you're with him. But the thought of we can never be like that hurts me. As long as we are here, I can't have you" She said as tears started to fall.
"I am so sorry. I don't know what to say but if this makes you hurt, then maybe you are right. We can never be like that. I am so sorry"
Yes. I said that. But I don't want to. It hurts me with the thought that she gave up easily but I understand where she's coming from. I want to fight for her. I want to be with her but ending it up with just like that makes it easier for us. After that, we remained friends but we both distanced ourselves.
But now, she said it. In front of the whole world.
It's time for me to take another step forward or backward.
She stood up and walk when she realized that the three of us are standing not far from her.
"Jennie"
YOU ARE READING
THREE YEARS AFTER
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