Your body, your life (Eddsworld fanfic)

Tom - Negotiations (or not)

Tom had begun thoroughly searching through Tord's phone, trying to find out everything he possibly could about that bastard's army. It was pretty hilarious how unprotected his phone was with an easily guessable password if you knew just the tiniest bit about him. His first guess had been hentai, and his second NØR5K1. Jackpot! It was way too accessible for all the dangerous secrets and juicy personal information it contained. Tord's whole army operation was in his phone because he didn't even bother to delete old emails. It looked like Tord had been busy while he was gone, while they had fun he had been building an army to take over the world. How unoriginal. Actually, his work seemed to have started a while before he left. Interesting. The idea of taking Tord's place seemed more and more logical. Not only could he keep Edd and Matt safe from Tord, but he could also make others rebuild the machine for him. The trick was to disguise it as a plan to get information from them or revenge on his friends. They would imprison Tord since they thought he was actually him. Then, he'd flee with Edd and Matt. It was the perfect plan.

So Tom simply stopped bothering trying to rebuild Tord's stupid Body Swapper, when he had no idea how, and instead focused on finding and memorising any piece of information he could find about Tord's life to take over. Even if his army's name and his own title was stupid. Red Army. Red Leader. Please, any child could come up with better names. He would have preferred an edgy name over this garbage.

Well, two could play this game and he wasn't about to lose to some body snatching, homicidal communist. And it seemed like Tord had forgotten to take the one thing Tom could use to get back at him. Now the cards were a lot different. Tord's body had power. Tom's body did not. And Tord seemed to have forgotten about this. Checkmate.

His quest was interrupted by the sound of his window suddenly breaking. A black and purple creature quickly climbed through, one he immediately recognized. His monster form. So Tord had decided to come back. And the reason was pretty obvious. Not because he actually wanted to fix things or anything. Even Matt would have been able to tell what he wanted. Tom clenched his fist as he glared at that... that thing before him. A part of him was surprised he wasn't fully transformed. The hair on top of Tord's head was still there, even if Steve had turned a dark shade of purple. That, and his still somewhat normal height kept him from fully having turned into a monster. Interesting. A part of him felt satisfied knowing Tord was stuck with this curse now. Ha, good riddance.

"How do I turn back?" There was a slight Norwegian accent to his own voice, one that made him feel sick. It made Tom want to shoot another harpoon at him, even if it was his own body. Just how had they not heard it? How on earth had Edd and Matt not noticed the accent? Once again, it seemed like he was easily replaced.

"Like hell I'd tell you," Tom growled. While listening to himself with a Norwegian accent was bad, hearing himself speak in Tord's voice made him want to gag. Even if Tord's voice spoke with a British accent now, it was still Tord's voice, wasn't it? The voice of this commie fucker. "Unless you help me repair this." He gestured towards the mess behind him. It looked more like a pile of garbage than actual machine parts.

"I won't. And even if I did, I wouldn't even know how to repeat it," Tord scoffed. His tail moved across the floor, causing a few machine sketches to flutter through the room. Tom wondered if this was some sort of deliberate attempt at making repairs harder or if it was just him having no control over his tail. "It was supposed to be a time machine, Jehovah's Witness. Whatever went wrong with it, it'll be hard to repeat the process, so it's really no use trying."

"Then good luck turning human again," Tom said and shrugged. He almost grinned back at Tord, but forced his face to stay neutral. Even without his help, he still had a way to get what he wanted. And Tord was completely unaware. So oblivious. Really, he was the one in power here, not Tord. And Tord didn't even realize it.

"But Tom, he needs your help!" Jon floated close to him. He hadn't even noticed that the ghost had accompanied Tord in here. He had been way to focused on said bastard. Damn. He needed to be a lot more attentive, huh?

"Tough. I'm the one trying to fix his mess." Tom gave Tord a death glare. But Tord simply raised an eyebrow at him. Asshole. Why could this selfish bastard not do what was right for once? Of course he'd use his chance. As expected from the person who secretly lead an army and kept a giant robot under their house.

"But it's your secret!" Jon frowned. "You don't want it to come out, do you? Edd and Matt would find out, and then you-"

"He's just being stubborn," Tord groaned. "He thinks he can intimidate me into helping him. It's a bluff, nothing more."

"No, I'm not bluffing," Tom hissed, crossing his arms.

"Yes, you are," Tord snickered.

"No, I'm not!"

Jon sighed, "Guys, please, this isn't-"

"Whose side are you even on?!" Tom yelled. "He murdered you!" He raised his robot arm to point at Tord. "Why are you not angry?!"

"You should be more careful or you might hurt someone," Tord muttered, making a few steps to the left. "It's pretty unstable..."

"Oh, shut up!" Tom growled. "You're the one who let me get this thing. Don't blame me for misuse."

"First, it was an accident. Second, you were the one who caused the body swap. You have nobody to blame but yourself for this mess. Just accept it, Tom." Tord leaned against the wall and smirked at him.

"And let you hurt Edd and Matt? Never!" Tom hissed, taking a step towards him.

Tord had the audacity to look shocked at this. "I would never-!" Sure. After all the shit he pulled he would never hurt his friends. What a liar.

Jon watched them with a concerned expression. "Please don't fight! We can solve this peacefully!" Tom rolled his eyes while Tord chuckled. They both knew how stupid of an idea this was. Really, it was a pathetic attempt.

"Well, Tom won't help me unless I swap back with him. Which I won't do. This was useless," Tord muttered. "Guess I'll just figure it out on my own." Whether it was bait or not, Tom didn't care. He had bigger plans. So he watched with disinterest as Tord hesitantly climbed out of the window again, turning around to look at him once or twice. Tom pretended he didn't see it. If Tord wouldn't help him, well, there were other ways.