Never Alone

Part 9

"Hi, mom." Stevie said and smiled at the sound of her mother's voice.

"Oh, sweetheart. It's so good to finally hear from you!" Barbara replied. "I'm so glad you can finally call us."

"Me too." Stevie nodded to herself and accepted a kiss from Lindsey, who said, he was going to give her some privacy and walked out of the room. "I-"

"What was that? Was that a kiss? It sounded like a kiss." Barbara said without stopping to take a breath.

"It wasn't. Who would I be kissing in here?" Stevie tried to laugh it off, but she doubted that she was very convincing.

"Lindsey perhaps?" Stevie could almost hear the smirk in her mother's voice.

"Don't be silly. He's here to support me, that's all. Tell me, how are things at home?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, who cares! Better tell me how are you doing, honey?" Barbara was worried sick about her daughter, all that mattered right now was her wellbeing. 

"I'm much better, thanks. The beginning of this whole process wasn't easy, but I'm getting there." Stevie assured, shifting in her seat to get more comfortable. "I'm no longer locked in this room. Lindsey and I go outside now as well. It doesn't sound like much, but trust me, it is."

"And how are things between you two?" Barbara pried subtly, hoping not to get caught. 

"He's been wonderful. I couldn't have done this without him, really." Stevie added without realizing how a smile spread across her face. "He's been helping me with pretty much everything."

"The man is such a sweetheart." Barbara gushed. "Have you talked about-"

"I thought, you wanted to know, how I was doing." Stevie steered the conversation back, she didn't want to give too many details about her and Lindsey because she really didn't know, what was going on between them either.

The phone call lasted for about another half an hour. Stevie talked about her treatment and she listened to her mother as she told her about life at home. It felt great to talk to her mother, to the one person who never judged her and loved her unconditionally. After Stevie promised to call soon again, they ended their conversation and she was left with an unexpected uneasy feeling.

"Can I come back?" Lindsey peeked through the door to make sure he wasn't interrupting. 

"Yes." Stevie nodded with a slightly fake smile. 

"Is everything okay?" He asked, sitting down. "I thought, you'd feel better after talking to your mom."

"Uh..." Stevie swallowed uneasily, shifting her gaze. "I think, we should talk."

"Okay. What about?" 

"Us." She said after a pause. "Don't freak out, please. I just want to know. For example, what was that a few days ago, in the shower?" She added for clarification. 

Lindsey sighed and stood up again to make some space between them. "I thought, you enjoyed it. I know, I did."

"That's not the point, Lindsey." She shook her head, following him with her eyes as he walked to stand by the window. "I need to know that it didn't happen just because you've been stuck in this room for nearly three weeks, because you're bored and you needed to relieve some pressure."

"Of course, not." Lindsey didn't need to think about his answer. "You should know better. Yes, I do think that it happened because we're in here together, but not because I'm stuck with you. It's because I haven't been around you, when you're completely sober, when you don't just yell at me for no good reason in a long time. You're allowing me to take care of you and be there for you, when you need it. You're letting me get close and... and that's all I've ever really wanted. I feel that pull again."

"And what happens when we leave this place?" Stevie asked, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer. "When I'm able to take care of myself again?"

"I don't know." Lindsey replied honestly, leaning against the windowsill. "I'm sorry if I confused you. I didn't mean to make you think that we're getting back together or something."

"I wasn't thinking that. I just..." Stevie shrugged, picking at her nail to distract herself from the lump of tears in her throat. "I'm sorry, I forgot about your girlfriend." She said, not knowing of how to end her sentence. 

"I don't have a girlfriend." He corrected her.

"Well, you said it yourself, you and Cheri have been on and off for years. Who's to say that you won't be back on once we leave, once we're not forced to be together."

"And who's to say that she and I will get back together?" Lindsey sighed, beginning to feel frustrated. "Stevie, this is not about her and I. This is about us." He slowly made his way back to her. "Do you want me to be completely honest?" She gave a nod of her head. "I am afraid of how things are going to change when you don't need me anymore. I can't be sure that once we're out of here, you won't go back to needing your freedom. And there's no compromise, you know that. Everything always has to be your way. If I have a different opinion on something, if I say no to something, you immediately think that I want to control you. That always leads to an argument and ends with one of us slamming the door on our way out." He sat down again and reached for her hand, but she didn't tighten the hold. "All I know is that right now, things are fine. They're actually really good, but it's us. One wrong word, one wrong look and it all goes away."

"I'm not asking you to get back together." Stevie emphasized, withdrawing her hand, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm just asking if you're at all interested in seeing where this goes."

"And again I'm telling you, I don't know." Lindsey shrugged, sitting hunched over. "I'm not even sure if I'm in the right place to be in a relationship. With you or anyone else."

"Right." Stevie took a deep breath and moved to lie down, purposely pushing him away with her foot. "I'm tired." She said. "I'm going to sleep."

Running a hand over his face, Lindsey remained standing by her bed. How the hell did that happen? It came out of nowhere, leaving him utterly confused. He tried to make her talk a couple more times, but she lay with her back to him, no indication that she was going to turn around.

Lindsey undressed, dropping his clothes on the floor. It was still too early to sleep, but what else was he supposed to do? He too lay down for no more than a few minutes. He didn't want to leave things that way. Kicking the covers off, he returned to Stevie and climbed into her bed without asking.

"What-" She opened her mouth, but he didn't let her speak.

"I don't want us to go to bed angry." Lindsey said. "And I want you to know that I love you. I'm not saying never, just not right now." He added, referring to their conversation.