UNDERCOVER ⧗ BLACKHILL

Keep Watch - 6

(Natasha's POV)

It's not good. At all. I would never ever, in the history of my life, allow myself to let someone such as Marci into my life so easily. She's an outsider. Marci is a person, and I don't let people in. No one that knows me would be able to name a single person on this Earth I've let in easily, and I don't even think Wanda can be included into that group, the only time I've ever really had a deep conversation with her is when she would hold my hair from puking, trying to get sober. Or the time she had opened up to me about what age she had taken on the biggest responsibility of a lifetime. That's not even me letting someone in, that's someone letting me in.

Wanda can't catch on to this, there is no weakness in the organization, let alone in her second-in-command. Marci doesn't even try, and she has this affect on me. Never, in any universe, can anyone, especially either of them, know this.

Ruin in a second. That's what would happen if even the tiniest hint of this finds it way out. In no world or universe or reality can I afford that. I have to do anything and everything to keep this inside. Even if that means shutting everyone out.

***

"Still good for after the pickup?" Wanda asks me as I'm heading off to my drop-off of the day. It's nice to have days will only one dorp-off, they're more laid back, and they're a nice breather from the rather busy days we usually have. 
"Perfect," I reply.
"Great, I'll let you go now," she replies walking off, so I have enough time to make it to my drop off. 

I wonder what she would want to talk about with me. She's never done this before, sure, she's told me about what's going on with business, the newest people shipping to us, or a new plan to do something better she feels she could, but she's never consulted me. Not that I mind, she knows what's she's doing, but for her to come to me, it must be something either really, really big or something she's not so sure about, which she never seems to be wary, so I'm going to go with big. 

Business is and will continue to be good either way, at least that's not in jeopardy. 

Walking to my drop off, I keep racking my brain for ideas. Possible responses to anything she could say, anything she could ask. I always like to be over-prepared, because that's better than being under-prepared. 

Realizing that I let my mind wander to whatever my meeting later could bring, I hadn't kept my guard up, which luckily I had gotten away with it, and nothing bad has happened. I scold myself for not staying focused, because who doesn't stay focused when on a drop off? Me, apparently. And once again, something else that Wanda can never find out. All though I know she trusts me and knows I work hard, I don't want to risk her being disappointed in me, or the possible repercussions if something had gone wrong. Nor do I want her worrying, add to her plate of already loads of work.

Because nothing ever goes wrong on a simple drop-off. No way I want to be the first for that to happen to because it was my fault. Not that I want anyone else, of course, it's just that a lot of bad things to happen, it's embarrassing to be the first. 

The sun is out, the breeze is blowing, and these are the preferred conditions for a drop-off. In this weather, you can get away with a light sweater hood, which helps conceal us, obviously. There's also no rain, so you don't look like you're absolutely crazy to be outside at that moment. For some reason, lots of people have their hair down even though it's blowing in their faces, which draws their attention away from other people, allowing us to get to our destination easier, or make a turn down an alleyway without being seen. 

Lots of people would stay away from this life, the criminal, drug dealing, arms dealing, but there's multiple sides to it like there is anything. My life is great, I have my friends in the organization and we play poker. Wanda also plays poker with us, and treats us better than anyone could ask for. She treats us with respect, and also she makes sure that while we can have busy days, they're never too much for us to handle where we miss something.