Believe in Second Chances

2) I Never Knew

Ben-

The heaviness of the bass is something I’ve gotten used to. When I had started playing, every session was like a work out!
Now, well, it’s just like a acoustic guitar.

We all do our final sound check. Daniel behind the drums, Wayne with his guitar, Dan and his voice.
Then there’s that weird guy with his bass by his hips and fingers that are climbing around the thick, metallic strings.
Me.

“Concert’s about to start!” Wayne’s voice rings through
“Ok, I’m coming.” I call back.

We wander through a long and dark hallway, making some last jokes before everything starts. As we stand by the entering of the stage, we give each other glances of excitement.
A final deep breath.
Then everything is hitting us as.

Now, I’m not that much for words like Dan.
But whenever I walk upstage, I feel so alive. So free. The energy that runs down my veins is uncomparable.

Dan takes on the mic and start slightly warming up with a part of “It’s Time”. We, the others, are just slightly soundchecking our instruments.
Just one last time… don’t judge...
Then, it’s on, baby!

Sweaty and tired but with excitement reaching for the sky, we pace back from the stage. The concert is now done.
Dan bends over his knees and laughs slightly as he breathes heavily. I’m just here in the corner just, breathing my life out.
But dude, that was fun! I could do it so many times more! Which well, I’ll have to do. My muscles are aching with adrenaline and my heart is almost beating out of my chest.
Somehow, this is the best feeling in the world.

Oh god, I’m so exhausted and tired right now.

“Well, now it’s off to the next city, I guess.” Daniel points out and stretches his arms.
“I think we got some VIP fans in this concert.” Wayne reminds.
“Yeah, we do.” I grin.
“Oh, ok.”
“But those are usually fun.” Dan remarks, which we all agree on.

I love meeting fans. And well, not to sound narcissistic but it’s also always fun meeting someone who loves you!
C’mon, we all know it’s true. But I’m not meeting them in the purpose of that, no, I’m meeting them because I really do enjoy the meet and greets. Well, I can’t really say no either because the rest of the band would be pissed.
But I never would.
I can never imagine myself walking away from an meet and greet. Nope, never. There has been some pretty damn inspirational stories from the fans that has changed the view of things.

But now it’s Smoke + Mirrors time. Night Visions was great. I wonder how our fans think of our new album too.
How it changed their lives.

Hours pass by and we have signed, talked, hugged and taken pictures. Of course, I have loved every second of this.
Just so many great people who happen to enjoy our crappy music.

“You’re serious?” Dan asks and cocks an eyebrow.
“Completely.”
“Oh my god, Ben. Are you really gonna do it?” Wayne exclaims.
“I just told you!”
“Should I record this?” Daniel asks with his phone in his hand.
“Yes.”


In my hand, I’m holding this apparently super spicy Mexican salsa that a fan brought. Oh, the thing I’m going to do?
Just causally dip my finger in it and lick it off. It’ll be great. I’m Ben! Basically the king of spicy food and licking off things.
Oh wait.
You know what, that came of very wrong. Let’s just start this damn thing now!

I read on the description one last time: El Dolor Del Diablo. Ok, this starts off great.
I screw up the cap and stare into the red yellow liquid. I take my finger up, showing it to Daniel’s camera then put it into the bottle. It stings slightly by my nail, then I drag out the finger.
A grin begin to show by my lips. As I lick off the salsa, I start feeling a slight sting on my tongue. But not a sting strong enough.

Dan makes a disgusted groan and closes his eyes tightly shut at the sight.

I’m Ben, king of spicy food and licking off things!

“Dude, I can’t believe you actually did that…” Wayne stutters.
Daniel laughs while Dan just stares at me with big eyes.

“What? It wasn’t that bad!” I mock.
“You’re crazy, man.”
“Oh, someone’s coming.” Daniel points out.

As I turn around to see who the last fan or fans are, my heart stops. I don’t even have to turn around a second time to feel my band mates shocked eyes dart at me.

I don’t even need a close up look, neither ask. Her eyes reek out of shame and irises are green has algae filled water.
Not even the newly black dyed hair can fool me. The dark rings under the eyes scream of sleep deprivation.
She seems so different, but everything is just make-up. I still recognize that damn, rotten, disgusting heart that is no one’s but hers. The heart which is hidden under disgusting pale white, smooth skin. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

“Hi, Ben…”

Without my control, I drop the damn, disgusting bottle of salsa.
Without my control, my feet move over the disgusting, filthy floor. Without my control, my body slips between the awful so-called human and the other poor fan. Without my control, my ears lock themselves and ignore every distant call for my name.
And without my control, I’m running away from a meet and greet.

Kylie-

“Ben! Please! I want to talk!”
But my voice just echoes into the hall as he takes his last steps from my vision.

Wow, that was awkward…

What’s even more awkward? Trying to make this into a normal meet and greet again… dammit Kylie.

Becca takes my arm and drags me to her.

My heart is beating loudly in my chest. Seeing Ben again seems to have awoken some old emotions in me.
Now they’re stirring around in my head and I’m not even sure how many or what they are. They’re so different and so powerful.

Dan clears his throat and take a step towards Becca and I. His eyes are signaling anxiety and indecision. Meanwhile Wayne’s are just more of the pissed-off kind of way staring at his phone.
But I can see that he’s not really concentrating on his phone. My eyes catch Daniel’s fingers trying to get off some dirt under his short nails.
It's so weird seeing them like this. They've all changed since the last time I saw them.

Dan gives us a smile and clasps his hands together.

“So what do you think of the new album?” he asks, but clearly has his mind somewhere else.

Dan, please, it was a mistake.

“It was really great! You guys did a really good job on it!” I compliment.
“Yeah. You can’t believe how many times we’ve listened to it!” Becca adds with a cheerful smile.
“Oh, well. I can guess it’s many?”
“More than many.”
We laugh, but I think most of us have our mind on another thing.

Ben, I’m sorry!

I take a glance at Wayne, he is still not moving a muscle and is still trying to concentrate on his phone screen.
For a minute, the only thing you can hear is the clock ticking. Becca asks Dan for a picture, which he agrees on taking. Then it’s awkward again.
Becca tries to keep things going by asking them some questions, which Daniel and Dan answers. Wayne just answers shortly.

“So I noticed there’s a lot more guitar on the album…”
“There is.”
“Favorite cereal?”
“I dunno...”
“Favorite sport?”
“Hockey, I guess.”

At the end, I can’t stand the slow awkwardness.

I turn to Dan, who seem to be surprised by the rapid move. I take a deep breath before I’ve decided what to say.
“Dan, it’s not what it seemed like.”
“K-...Ka-… Ki-... Kit-...”
“Kylie.”
“Kylie...”
“Yeah.”
“Kylie, I guess that I know how you feel like… but it’s over now. What happened, happened. Simple as that.”
“No, I really need to speak to him.”
“Kylie…”
“Please.”
“I wouldn’t allow her… for Ben’s sake.” Wayne mutters, but still stares down at his phone.
“Dan, this is different. Just five minutes.” I beg, feeling the burning sensation of cry down my throat.

Dan sighs, scratching the back of his head. Deep thoughts are caught under his eyes.

“Ok then.”

Dan and I pace through the dark hallway with pipes climbing on the ceiling. I think he went into the restroom. Oh god, Ben…

Dan signs at me to stand by the wall as he gently knocks on the door.
“Ben?” his softened voice calls.
“Ben? Open. It’s important…” he repeats.
“Is she gone?”
“Ben…”
“Then no.”
Dan seems to take another breath to speak up again, but I move past him and knock the door several desperate times.

“Please Ben, I know how it feels. But we need to talk.”
“Go away, now.”
“Ben! Just open the damn door!” Dan yells, pissed off.

With defeat in his eyes, I see him open the door. I take my last energy and smile. But he doesn’t move a muscle. My green searches for his deep blue eyes.
Dan takes a step back, mumbling something about leaving us alone, so I decide to wander into the overused restroom.
Ben has his back leaned against one of the booths. My gaze sweep through the room and a small giggle escapes my lips. An old thought. Maybe it can light the tension up?

“Last time we were both in a place like this, the tension was a lot different.” I joke and stare back at him for approval.
Not even a small giggle?
Woah, Kylie. You really messed up!

His lips remain a small line and his look remain hard.
So many years has passed by and he has changed so much, but at the same time not at all…

“Can’t believe we ended up like this… look at us, Ben…”

“What do you want?” he asks with a voice dipped in acid.
“I just wanted to explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain anymore.”
“Ben, there is.”
“No.”
“Please, listen!”
“I said I ever wanted to see you again. Was I not clear enough?!” he shouts, this time he has his fists clenched.
“Ben!”
“No! I’m not going to listen to anymore bullshit!”

He’s suddenly heading for the exit, but I’m running between him and the door. I’m staring into his eyes, we’re so close. The emotions in my head are stirring up even more, even screamier. My heart is beating slowly, but hard against my chest. Almost so that I’m choking.
Oh, Ben…
I see the hardness in his eyes, but there’s also hurt. Stress.

“Get. Out.”
“Bu-...”
“I hate you! Ok?! Go away!”
“Please just fucking listen!”
“No, you cheated on me. You broke me. Y-...”
“Ben!” I yell with every energy I have.
“What?!”
“I was raped…”

Suddenly the tension changes. If there was an audience here, they’d all gasp. His eyes lock into mine as he takes stumbling steps back. Ben ends up by the multi-sink and is holding it with his bass hands.

“You were… what?”
“So. I said it. That’s the truth. I never cheated with approval of it.”
“But… but-...”
He is searching for something to say. Guess the shock really hit him.
“It’s true.”
“Kylie… I hated you for so many years.”
“Hm.”
“I never knew.”