Believe in Second Chances

22) Tired, Jaded, Very Faded

-Ben

We meet up with Dan and Daniel on our way down the stairs. Lexi and Wayne are already in the bus. As I enter the bus, I feel Kylie's hand grasp mine and pulling me inside with a mischievous smirk. What I had already today felt heavy about, just gave me energy and a small piece of hope.

Kylie and I sit in the couch as the bus runs on the road. We exchange glares between my screen and her book. Giggling under our breath and making Daniel keep two fingers inside his mouth.
Y'know, like he's trying to puke.

"We're adorable." I snicker at him.

His response is once again sticking his fingers in his mouth. I chuckle and return to my computer. Work, work work...

-

She lit the cigarette and cupped her hand around the lighter. One more attempt and the old smell of cigarette bloomed out. Brood puffed with the cigarette between fourteen year old lips. Kind of to give it more spark.

I stood by Brood as she exhaled with blowing a thick, grey smoke escaping.

She gazed up to me with a smile, so I sat down beside her. I was hoping not to get the smell stuck on...

The cold stone stairs sent chills down my spines, even though I was wearing jeans and a sweater. Brood was herself just a wearing leather jacket over bare shoulders and leggins with a fluffy skirt. How did she not get cold?

We didn't have much to say. Her bandage was at some angles visible under her sleeves. I thought that I could sometimes see the stitches, but that was never logically possible.

"I thought I was helping you..." I mumbled with demure.

Brood took a drag and stroke away a strand from her face. Her face was signaling jade and guilt.

"It wasn't your fault. You were, no, are helping! But I just, yeah... y'know..."

"It doesn't feel like it." I breathed and rested my elbows on my knees.

"I'm trying, y'know. I was fine... but, I'm just such a screw up." Brood continued and stared into the distance.

I took a quick glance at her and shook my head. Because like the blue color in her hair, she had kind of faded into something else. Something less pleasant. I was just so tired, so tired...

Her words came from the empty heart she had. Her thin eyes reeked of desperation. Her lips seemed to smile less and less.

I chuckled a little when I remember our first date. I had told her after we kissed that her lips tasted raspberry and chicken. She laughed because we were a cinema and she had only eaten popcorn. Apparently the taste from her dinner stuck.

Now I was shaking my head. I tasted her lips again and they tasted like cigarette. I used to admire her high cheek bones and thought they were beautiful. They were more visible than ever now and ethnicity had nothing to do with it. Her hair was a weird blue green shade and looked dull. She was coming back to her roots, the black hair angrily starting to show.

"What happened?" I mumbled quietly under my breath.

I've lost my girlfriend, but she's still here. Just, another person...

"What did you say?" Brood asked.

"Nothin'..."

-

I sigh and try my best not to shriek when I'm seeing her face again. A click away on facebook and suddenly I see her again.

Though I can't help to feel curiosity. Her profile picture is her against a white wall and I read Brood Kimura as her name. It's definitely her. My pulse rises when I read her name a third, fourth, fifth time.

Now I take a deep breath. Clicking on her pictures as I feel my heart beat harder and harder. Pictures of her being at parties with friends and family. She smiles and is wearing her classic Brood-trade mark, her leather jacket. I can't help myself to grin right now when I see her wearing that worn out jacket...

Brood's hair has grown out and is black right now. She has always a type of Doc Martens on. Overall, she seems so much healthier.

She hasn't changed much and I can't say how I feel about that. I mean, it's pretty cool but also pretty... unsettling? I don't know. 'Cause I definitely don't want her to be the person I last saw of her...

I take a look at her relationship status, which states "engaged". Woah, didn't see that coming!

It can't hurt to look through her facebook a bit, right?

Ok then, so it's been an hour and this is what I've found out; the name of her fiancé is David Yx, she works for a karaoke bar with the technic stuff, her obsession with David Bowie and The Cure is still hardcore and she can play bass. Very cool.

In the midst of my facebook stalking, I feel a poke. Turning around to an awfully close Dan-face.

"We have to go, pooper."

We get off the bus and carry on with a silent walk to the backdoor of the arena. It takes me to almost finishing the sound check on my bass for the other guys to say anything. That took us to almost finish our sound check!

"So..," Wayne starts, "Dan told me he saw you looking up your old ex girlfriend on facebook,"

I hum lowly, signing him to continue. All I can think of is how uncomfortable this is...

"How are you doing?" he asks, appearing in front of me with worried clear blue eyes.

"Great." I sigh and ignore Wayne's gaze.

"Why did you look her up? How is she?"
"Good."
"You didn't answer my question."
"I said good?"
"You know what I mean..."

I exhale with frustration leaving my lungs as well. My shoulders sink in a slow move when I close my eyes for a second.

"She appeared on my 'people you may know' list."

"Yeah, but why did you click?"

"Oh, c'mon, Wayne! Curiosity of course!"

The band stares at me for a moment in shock, caused by my outburst with cynicism at the edges.

"Ben, are you ok?" Daniel asks in a breathy tone, almost unheard in the mass of sounds.

"Yes."

Dan is now the one to ask questions, trying to turn this into a whole therapy session. It feels a bit frustrating, to be honest. Just because I checked out my ex on facebook! I mean, c'mon! So I shake my head, dismissing their worries and continue on my bass.

"Ben."
"Hm, I think I need to tune it a bit."

"Ben, listen."
"Wonder what string it is."

"Listen, Ben, c'mon."

I play a part of "Summer."
"Ah, it's E. Of course..."

"Ben!" Dan exclaims.
"What?"

"Has something happened between you and Kylie? Is that why you're looking your ex up?"

"No! I was just curious."
-
So, tell me what you think of this story! Personally, this has been one of my favorite stories to write. I have worked so hard with the characters and to make sure that I get everything right. Any questions? Any thoughts? Any opinions? COMMENT! It gives me a hell of a boost and inspiration. Thanks! / Javii