love, your sweet p

i felt alone,

February 21, 2019

Dear Diary,

     Today me and Brady got to try on costumes! I ended up with a very sparkly pink dress and Brady had this stereotypical button-down white shirt. The issue with the moms today is that Abby spent a lot of time on our duet and not the group dance or the other two duets. I'm just nervous that I'll be sent home.

     Hannah had a really hard rehearsal. We counted the number of push-ups she had to do. Two hundred-fifty pushups. Poor Ann, too. She was a hot mess express today. We think it may just be her sports bra today cursing her.

     We finally got up enough courage to all try to go into the closet with Betsy for an entire ten seconds! I laughed and I put on a smile, but it's getting harder to make them real. I'm the cheery sunshine person in the group and I can't even smile!

     It's getting harder and harder to be happy and believe in myself by the hour. I want to be happy and most of the time I am, but the times when I'm not, which is normally after rehearsal, where I'm body-shamed by Abby at least once or twice a week, it seems like an elephant is on my chest and yet I have to smile. But I'm okay. It's just a rough patch.

     I'm a lot more anxious about this competition. If I fail, I don't deserve to be here. If I fail, I'll be sent home. If I fail, I'm not good enough. Mom said to never attach my dancing to my worth, but I am right now.

     I guess Mom could tell because we went out with Brady and Tricia to this restaurant called Hello Bistro. They have really good salads! I got the Classic Cobb salad and it was so good. Then we got ice cream. Both made me feel better.

    Then we watched Rapunzel, which is one of my favorite movies, next to Mr. Peabody and Sherman. And even though it made me feel a lot better, I still don't feel totally better. I hope it will get better tomorrow.

Love,

sweet p