love, your sweet p

i can't do this anymore.

March 23, 2019

Dear Diary,

     Today actually went okay dance-wise! I'm not going to spoil anything, but let's just say that even though I don't mentally feel any better than I did yesterday, Abby was definitely happy with our results this week.

     We finally confronted the whole clique thing that has been going on this week while we were getting ready. It was definitely a talk that was needed and a talk that really brought up some good points about being a team all while being respectful. In conclusion, we are more mature than our parents.

     I really liked my duet costume. I haven't talked about it a lot this week, but since Lilly and I are practically sisters, the connection was there in our duet. I was just scared to go against Elliana and Gia. They are a powerhouse duo!

     Kammy looked so cute in her solo costume! She looked exactly like Tina Turner, the girl she was portraying. This was a big day for her, a big opportunity. It reminded me of how excited I was in my first week. Now I barely feel any happiness or excitement at all.

     Everything was going well until a producer forced Abby to do something insane. Be the judge for the Stacey vs. Yolanda case. Ann even got her Bible out of her purse for the two to swear on. In Yolanda's statement, she called Lilly a liar, which, if you watch the clip, is not true. Yolanda was yelling at her, in my opinion.

     When Lilly tried to defend herself, however, that's when shit hit the fan. It turned into one of the biggest arguments any of us have seen between two moms, making Elliana cry, which made her incapacitated to do the duet, meaning Sarah almost had to take over.

     Literally two minutes before she went onstage, however, Elliana was barely able to pull herself together enough. And guess what? It looked like nothing had happened? It was flawless and it made Lilly and I worried.

     Our duet went okay. We knew it wasn't going to be showcased because we had absolutely no drama around our dance, but we decided to try our best anyway. And guess what I do? Sickle my foot eighteen times and do four turns instead of two, meaning I screwed it up.

     I'M A FAILURE!

     I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!

     WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

     I'M BROKEN!

     IT'S ALL MY FAULT!

     Anyway...

     Last was Kammy's solo. She knocked it out of the park. She had the entertainment factor and the sass and she nailed the moves. Everything about it was perfect! She's such a better dancer than me and she's only seven.

     In the dressing room, she wasn't pleased with anybody's performance, not even Kamryn, which sucked. Just proves to me that I'm a failure and can't do anything right. Anyway, we had to get ready for the group dance.

     I know I said I wasn't really that interested in the paint? Well, it was a little cool when I had it on me. I just hoped it smeared correctly and Elliana did the correct timing. We needed to win. We've had two back-to-back losses.

     Of course, right out of the gate, I screw up the timing on the lunge when we're in a row, simultaneously going too early and slipping. Just when I thought that maybe I wouldn't screw up at least the first minute, I did.

     Other than that, we pulled it off and we worked as a team, but my mess-up was definitely going to make us lose, which made me feel absolutely awful. Right after we did the second filming, though, it was time for awards.

     Now the reason today went okay was because of the awards. Kammy got first with her solo, Gia and Ellie got second in their duet while Lilly and I SOMEHOW GOT FIRST, and guess what? The group dance got...

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     FIRST! WE DID IT! WE WON! We were just chanting Blue Bloods for five minutes in the dressing room. However, after we took showers, the moms looked upset. Elliana and Lilly felt really bad because they knew who the aggressors were.

     I need to go to sleep now. I'm riding with Gia (even though I'd rather be alone), and she's about to fall asleep and I don't want her to feel weird being the only one sleeping.

Love,

sweet p