love, your sweet p

but i still felt unworthy of it.

February 9, 2019

Dear Diary,

     I'm back in the hotel from a busy day. Today was wild. It started in the hotel room. We were all patiently waiting for the bus in the lobby. Savannah and I were watching Tik Toks, eating our breakfast from the lobby, which had gross muffins, when all of a sudden, Michelle was calling Erin a pathetic mother and screaming a lot of insults at her! And told Savannah that we were nobodies! The worst part is that it was Savannah's birthday!

     Throughout the week, I have noticed that Erin does put pressure on Savannah even when we're stretching to do amazing. However, it's just how they roll. Savannah doesn't seem like a lot of pressure is put on her by her mom, and she is more just embarrassed by her mother bringing alcohol in a sunscreen flask and calling us nobodies!

     The entire lobby went silent and then Michelle and Sarah started crying. Erin grabbed Savannah and Gia took her place. That all happened in a matter of ten seconds. I continued watching Tik Toks until the bus came.

     Mom had to tease my hair a lot to get it really messy. She also put a really white foundation on me and smeared green on my face. I certainly looked like Reagan with the baby blue nightgown. While that was going on, Erin dragged Savannah into the hallway to get ready, trying to avoid Michelle and Tricia having to go diffuse the situation.

     Meanwhile, Abby came in just as Tricia came back in. Michelle explained what happened, so Abby had to give this long speech about how we're a family, right as Erin and Savannah walked in. The timing! Erin didn't apologize, but we let it roll over.

     I liked Savannah's makeup the best. It looked like Jackson Pollock with rhinestone eyebrows. First was Savannah's solo, then Sarah's, then mine, then Lilly's. Savannah's solo was so graceful and elegant. Her facial expressions were amazing. Just- amazing!

     Next was Sarah's. Her music was odd and the pressure got to her because her foot just didn't come off the ground in her turn. She literally spun full on her foot. I don't know how she didn't fall. It looked like Abby had thrown together her solo at the last minute.

     Next was mine. I let out my inner demon and I tried to execute my facial expressions. My feet were pretty bad and I did bad on one of the turns, but I think I did okay. I don't think I'm good enough, but I still deserve to be here.

     Last was Lilly. Savannah and Sarah were amazing. Her facial expressions, the feet, the technique, the legs, the maturity. Everything! All of the solos were amazing! After filming again, we were all buzzing with excitement. Even Abby looked happy with the solos.

     The group dance was a lot lighter of an atmosphere. It was cool. Brady had orange hair and he didn't have a shirt. I've only seen senior dancers without a shirt. I liked my costume but it was a little boxy.

     My side aerial entrance was good in the group dance. My musicality was nice. My front aerial walkover's landing was abysmal. Hannah went early in the penché, but she was in the center so maybe it just looked like a cool timing thing. And we all screamed at the end. Overall, 7/10.

     We always dance right before awards, so once we filmed again, it was time for awards. Hannah was crying beforehand, but she pulled herself together before the awards. The award results were: Sarah got third, Lilly got second, and Savannah won. I got third in my division, and I feel like I let the ALDC down. I feel awful. But we won with the group dance! Yay! Lilly was upset with her placement.

     While Abby was debriefing, Stacey cut out Lilly's hair! So, I mean, Lilly was like... she just pulled it out. It was so funny on my end. But Lilly had an anxiety attack and ran to the bathroom in tears. I feel bad for her.

     Abby went to fetch her and by the time we were done packing up, she finally came back. We named her hair Fredrica to lighten the mood. She felt a little better. We all helped Lilly pack up so she could get on the bus first and we drove back to the hotel room. We'll be back in Pittsburgh.

     If I could change one thing about the competition, I wished that I would have had better feet. Maybe I would have won if I had better feet. I know people say they can; 't change the past, but I wish I could sometimes.

Love,

sweet p