love, your sweet p

i forgot what that feels like,

March 2, 2019

Dear Diary,

    Today was unusually less chaotic. But it was also a really big disappointment for me in general. I mean, everybody was and still is sad. Today was Brady's last competition, so if he didn't win his solo and/or the group dance, he would be so sad. Tallie got to see me today, though, which is awesome!

     When we were on the bus, it started snowing, which was a good luck charm for Gia. Plus, if I haven't informed you already if Gia didn't beat Hannah, she was off the team, so as much as I love Hannah Banana, she can't win.

     Oddly, the dressing room atmosphere was peaceful, which is RARE. Mom could barely hold it together putting on the tire track print on my face. I know Mom blacked out during the car crash and I woke her up, but it was traumatizing.

    Out of the costumes, I liked Gia's the most. It was so pretty! After Tricia's comments yesterday, the moms were rooting for Gia and Tricia was MAD. She's normally super nice, so it was and still is scary.

    Today, I'm rooting for everybody! I wanted everybody to tie for first, that way, Gia wouldn't be kicked off, and Abby would be happy. When Abby got to the dressing room, she quickly diffused the small argument and we all just kind of sat there, solemnly practicing our solos.

     I need to do well. If I win, I could earn my way back onto the "deserving to be here" squad, if I don't, it's proving my theory for the third week in a row. It was really cold, too, so I had to run to the sides of the stage in my jacket.

     Brady was first. His technique was exquisite. His lines were *chef's kiss*. His extensions were magnifique. He stumbled once, but it was barely noticeable. I'm quite jealous of how good his feet are. Overall, he definitely was perfect!

     Next up was Hannah. It was really good. Her turns weren't the best, but she hit her isolations well, had really good technique, and had amazing faces. However, I couldn't get the storyline, even knowing the storyline myself.

     Next was me. Tallie was in the crowd and I needed to show him how much I improved and to pay respect to the car crash. I went on stage and I danced. My turns were good. I think my entrance wasn't the best, but it was okay. I made five feet mistakes, though and I didn't feel as passionate dancing on stage as I did last week. Something is wrong with me.

     Last was Gia. The most important one other than Brady. Not only did she need to nail this for her MeMe, but so she doesn't get kicked off the team by Abby or the producers. And she did just that! The gracefulness, fluidity, emotion, and technique were all there. She made Lilly and I cry.

     After she performed and we did our second take for the *angles*, we went back to the dressing room. It was oddly peaceful there as well. There was a sad air in the room because we knew after this, Brady was gone.

     We had white tank tops, low ponytails, and white jeans. Abby came back with a crown on her head and a microphone. It was super funny, but it was harder to laugh at than normal. I don't know why it's harder to laugh and be happy.

     We were running late so we had to run to the side stage, barely stretching. I was a mess. I stumbled, nearly fell out of my turns and my standing sissone was awful. I did such a bad job. I performed so badly, but I couldn't vent or anything because right after were awards.

     Awards: Hannah was seventh, I was third, Brady was second, and Gia was first! As happy as I am for Gia, I'm just as disappointed in myself. I know that I could have done better. I'm just not good enough. We added a fifth win to our streak for the group dance though, which was good.

     While we were walking back, Abby talked to some directors at the judge's table, which means she was trying to change the scores. It was quick, but Gia and Brady seemed disappointed. Joanne seemed even more disappointed in the dressing room.

     As we were doing our final debriefing in the dressing room, all the peacefulness and serenity of the previous dressing room interactions today came crashing down. Abby accused the judges of bad scoring due to the male judge being from Miami, Joanne got furious, Brady threw SHADE to Gia, and Tricia threw a cake on the ground, which we ate off of the floor!

     Overall, as funny as today was, tomorrow, Brady will be going home, which I'm crying about right now. I need to go to sleep, I'm keeping Savannah up. Overall, despite Brady going home, least chaotic competition yet.

Love,

sweet p