love, your sweet p

i deserved any bullying.

March 20, 2019

Dear Diary,

     Today was rough. I think I'm starting to not hide this... sadness and gloominess as well as I used to. Before the pyramid, Gia and I fought. Gia has been one of my closest friends, and this week, she was hanging out all buddy-buddy with Elliana, leaving me feeling abandoned.

     Of course, the cameras are rolling on us 24/7, so the cameras caught us fighting about that and Gia's timing. I regret it a lot because now it's going to be on television. I'm so embarrassed. Why can't I stop screwing up? Why can't I stop ruining everything? Lilly invited me over to get my mind off of it, but I don't want to see people anymore.

     Elliana still isn't here. The school issue is continuing, which is annoying. Elliana comes to the team to help us and she still can't dance! We have to be homeschooled every day and we still make it! She gets special treatment and it's not fair to us!

     During the pyramid, Gia blamed us for conspiring together to make her fail, which is absolutely ridiculous! We would never do that to her. The moms and Abby were very upset with that statement, as were we. Who would say that?

     I got third on the bottom. She said that why I did well, I didn't try hard enough to make it more than just a solo. Once again, I'm a failure. Nothing I ever do is good enough. I'm worthless and I hate myself!

     This week, I got a duet with Lilly called Light Inside The Darkness. I'm the darkness luring Lilly in. I feel like this is how I'm feeling right now, like I'm being lured into this darkness of, for lack of a better term, despair.

     Gia and Elliana also got a duet called Judge Gia. It's an add-on to the solo, where Elliana is now being tried in court for her wrongdoings. It's also a play on Judge Judy. I think Abby is just out to kill Joanne right now, giving her cheesy jazz after cheesy jazz.

     The group dance is called Blue Bloods. It's about us being aristocratic brats, sort of like the Royal Family. The old Pressley would be psyched that blue paint will be covering us from head to toe, but I really don't care about the cool prop anymore. It's just there.

     We also have a new girl coming in. It's Kamryn! The girl who was invited but never came! She has a solo and is Elliana's swing in the group dance! She's super sweet and cute with a lot of energy. She is a tad tiring, for me at least.

     Even though she's seven, Kamryn is excellent at picking up choreography. Even as a swing, she danced like us and really well. She can definitely take my spot on the team if she wants. I don't want to be here anymore.

     Overall, today has been exhausting and I just want to sleep. This may be out of the blue, God, when will I be happy again?

Love,

sweet p