love, your sweet p

when i would cry myself to sleep.

April 3, 2019

Dear Diary,

     This weekend has been hell. I've been so sick with a fever, I could barely keep anything down before I threw it up. It was like my body was failing me, which, honestly, I wouldn't have been mad at. I want my body to fail. Tallie even came down.

     But good news, Brady's still here! I think the producers realized that Abby was going to keep bringing him back if they kept sending him home. He came to visit me because he's one of my best friends, but it was really awkward.

     Anyways, now to the pyramid. Abby was very mad that we didn't win. We had water for god's sake! The moms were blamed for scaring us with their cautionary tales and their disrespect. I should have just done better. It's all my fault.

     I was third on the bottom because I slipped. She was very easy on me, claiming it didn't affect the group, but the judges saw it. All I heard was that I was broken and a failure to the Abby Lee Dance Company. I'm a horrible dancer.

     Naturally, Lilly was on the top of the pyramid. We had confetti and party hats and those noisemakers. We had a party for thirty minutes. Lilly has had a rough season so it makes me happy to see her happy.

     Brady is not in the group routine (unless he'd want to wear a sexy red leotard). It's called Body and Soul. It's sassy jazz, Gia's "forte." I'm impartial. Dance has just been blah for me lately. I hope we can win without Brady, though.

     Brady, Lilly, and GiaNina got solos this week. Lilly got one called Shine Bright, which is the polar opposite of last week's solo. She needs to be dainty and pretty, which I don't doubt she will be. She is very versatile acting-wise.

     Brady got one called Rocketman. It's about an astronaut about to take off and he's thinking about what he'll be leaving behind on Earth. It's actually quite a sad concept. If I left Earth, I would wreck Mom and Tallie, but it would be the best.

     GiaNina has ANOTHER jazz solo called Big Shot. The whole thing is about proving herself to be as big of a star as her mother claims she is. GiaNina's mom hypes her up a lot, almost too much. This jazz is just another reminder to Joanne of who's in charge.

     While we were rehearsing the group dance, the spark for dancing finally just died. It's just like school. Have to do it. Don't hate and don't like it. I'm heartbroken. Dance has been my first love forever. And now it's not.

     About halfway through, Michelle came in and said Studio 19 texted them some nasty things. Abby and Sarah looked flustered. Sarah used to dance at Studio 19. About ten minutes later. Abby left, claiming the music was bad, but we all knew what it was about. Hannah, Sarah, Elliana, and I left too since we weren't needed for solos.

     Anyway, I'm drained from my fever, so I'm going to bed now. See you tomorrow. I hope tomorrow will go smoother.

Love,

sweet p