Dead Girl Walking ― Aaron Minyard

47. i'm sorry if i hurt u sometimes

you're not hard to love
you're just not meant to be mine
― avery lynch

♦

IT FELT LIKE CRUEL IRONY that Aaron came back to her that morning. Mara didn't know if it was the universe's approval or its warning, if fate was trying to make it easier or harder for her to do what she knew she had to, no matter how much it hurt.

After days of them skirting around each other, they walked together to their morning classes, silent in a way that no longer felt comfortable. There was tension, like a storm hanging in the air, clouds dark and ready but not spilling just yet.

Mara only managed to speak when their class buildings came into view.

"I can't do this anymore."

Aaron stopped, looking at her, and she hated this. She hated that this was the first conversation they would have in days, that it would probably be the last they ever had. She hated that she'd thought, hoped, prayed this would work, that for once the universe would let her have something.

But the universe was far crueler than even Mara had given it credit for.

"Can't do... what?" he asked, but she knew he had an idea, knew he could smell the storm in the air just the same as her.

Mara swallowed. "This," she managed. "Us."

"Is this because of what Andrew did to Allison?" Aaron asked. "I wouldn't let him do that to you."

"Could you stop him if he tried?" she asked, and it was cruel. She knew it was, even before she saw his wince, but she didn't take it back.

"To protect you, yes," Aaron insisted.

"I'm not going to be the reason you never speak to your brother again, Aaron," she said.

"You won't be the reason!" Aaron said. "He's the one who's making it a choice, not you. And I'm choosing you."

"That's the problem," Mara said. "I'm not letting you choose me over your family."

"Where is this coming from?" Aaron asked. "Did Andrew threaten you?"

Mara knew what he was doing: grasping at kinder reasons for all of this, reasons that wouldn't break his heart.

"It doesn't matter," she said.

"Of course it matters!" Aaron said. "Don't let him come between us."

"He's already between us, Aaron," Mara said. "And he'll make this impossible until the end of your deal, and then you'll never see each other, and you'll end up regretting letting him go and resent me."

"I won't regret it if I have you," Aaron said. "I could never resent you."

A selfish part of her wished that could be true, that she could be enough and that Andrew's opposition was the sole obstacle in their relationship.

But it wasn't.

"You and Andrew need each other," Mara said, her voice small, her heart breaking. "I won't be the thing to push you away from each other."

"He's the one pushing, not you!" Aaron insisted.

"He's trying not to lose you!" Mara said. "Neil is right, you—"

"What the hell does Josten have to do with this?"

Mara closed her eyes. Quietly, she said again, "You and Andrew need each other. You don't need me."

"You don't get to decide that," Aaron said, and there was a savage edge to the broken quality of his voice.

"One of us has to," Mara whispered. Then, because it had to be final, because she couldn't let this go half-finished, she managed, "It's over, Aaron."