Dead Girl Walking ― Aaron Minyard

39. new year's day

please don't ever become a stranger
whose laugh i could recognize anywhere
― taylor swift

♦

"HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD FROM NEIL?"

It took all of the media training and composure Mara had under her belt not to freeze with her spoonful of cereal halfway to her mouth. She chewed longer than necessary, meeting Kevin's eyes across the table. 

Nicky pouted. He'd sent Erik off to the airport a few hours ago, so he was less energetic than usual. "No," he said. "I sent him a bunch of Christmas texts and pictures and he hasn't responded." 

Matt looked expectantly at Kevin. 

"Uh, no," Kevin said, taking a long sip of his sugar-free orange juice. He cleared his throat. "Maybe he's just busy with his family." 

Mara could practically hear the guilt dripping from every syllable of the lie. 

Matt frowned, stirring his spoon through his cereal. "Still, how hard is it to text us back? Dan hasn't heard from him, either."

"His phone could be dead," Nicky suggested. "He never seems to keep it charged." 

"We'll see him on Monday," Aaron grumbled, looking as pleased to return to campus in three days as Mara was. They still hadn't had the conversation, still hadn't even broached the topic of Andrew and what his knowing meant for them, what would become of their relationship when they were back in his radius.

Nicky hummed an agreement. "I can't wait to give him his present," he said, rubbing his hands together like a fly about to feast, though it was far less disgusting from Nicky. "He's gonna look so good."

Mara thought of the origami fox packed carefully into her carry-on bag, something she'd made the night before when sleep couldn't find her through the thoughts of what her brother was going through in that moment, five-hundred-something miles away. 

She'd felt silly making it, even sillier storing it so delicately into her bag. She doubted the Neil that returned to Palmetto next year would give a shit about a stupid handmade gift.

But that had been their thing, a lifetime ago—pretty rocks or flowers from Nathaniel, crafts from Elizabeth. Those had been the only gifts they would risk in a house that treated kindness as a cardinal sin. 

And Mara found that nostalgia was a ferocious beast around the holidays. 

"What time are we leaving for Times Square?" Kevin asked, changing the subject.

Matt looked at the time on his phone. "If we want a decent spot, we should try to get there no later than two," he advised. "It's not a long ride, so we can leave at one-thirty?" 

They all nodded or hummed their agreement, finishing breakfast and going their separate ways until it was time to go. 

♦

Times Square was as crowded as Matt had warned, maybe even more so. Matt led the way through the crowd, finding the best available space with an ease that could only come with practice. Mara, both wary of the crowd and greedy for the time they had left out of Andrew's line of sight, held fast to Aaron's hand and didn't let go even as they settled in to wait for the festivities to begin. 

They passed the hours with conversation, then games (courtesy of Nicky), then companionable silence. When the performances began, Mara almost wished they'd hold on just a little longer. 

Mara and Kevin knew none of the acts performing, but Matt and Nicky filled them in with an abundance of celebrity gossip and varying opinions. Aaron mumbled contrary opinions into Mara's ear all the while, chin on her shoulder as he held her from behind. Mara let herself melt into the warmth of the embrace, content enough not to call out Nicky when she saw him take a picture of them on his phone. She even considered asking him to send it to her.