Project Alpha

Chapter 26- What Is Wrong With Me?

My footsteps felt heavier the closer I got. The anxiety that was flowing inside of me was overwhelming, but I needed to do this. I needed to say my peace. I needed to make this right somehow.

    I missed her. I missed my friend. I missed my partner in crime.

    As I reached her door, I had second thoughts about going through with this. She had left me, but I was starting to realize that it wasn't willingly. We were the best of friends then, and I could understand wanting to protect me. The thing that bothered me was how she chose to protect me.

    Just as I was about to knock on the door, it swung open to reveal a very surprised and emotional Nat. She stared at me with wide eyes, not that I could blame her after everything that has happened between us in the past couple of weeks.

    "Aria?" She asked, almost like she couldn't believe that I was really standing in front of her door right now.

    "Can we talk?" I ask, not really sure of how to start this off.

    "Yeah, of course. Come in."

    I move into her room and go to sit in the chair at her desk. It's facing the window so that everything can be seen from that one spot. I like it, but I turn the chair around so I can face Nat as we have this conversation.

    When I finally face her, we make direct eye contact and you can tell that it isn't just me who doesn't know where to start. There is an awkwardness that falls over us while we each try to decipher our thoughts to figure out what to say.

    It's weird not knowing what to say to her after so long of thinking about it. I began to think about the friendship that we had after talking to Tony outside of the compound a few days ago. I started to think about what I wanted to say, what questions I had, and if our friendship could even survive this. I still had no idea about that last one, but here I was trying to piece together something to say.

    We both can feel the awkwardness, but when I go to finally say something, Nat does too. In unison, we tell each other to go ahead, which ignites another awkwardness between the two of us. Thankfully, Nat makes a gesture that tells me to continue. Part of me wishes I did it first, but I'm going to have to say something eventually anyways.

    "I just need to know," I start, "Did you ever feel bad or remorse for leaving?"

    "Every single day," she responded almost instantly, which allowed me to let out a breath of relief. That thought had been eating away at me since my memories of what had happened came back to me. I couldn't come up with any reasonable reason for why she would have left me, so this was the conclusion that I came up with.

    "Then why did you do it?" I ask desperately. The tears start to form in pools in my eyes. I can feel the wetness of them on my lid, but I refuse to let them pour over. I look at her, only to see that she looks the same way I feel.

    "I didn't want to," she said with a pained look. She moved closer to where I sat near the window but chose to stop to sit on the edge of her bed. "We were both so young, Aria, and I didn't know what to do when I was told that they knew about our plan. I did what I thought I had to so that you would be safe. I'm so sorry."

    "It just hurts," I finally let out a sob, unable to control all that I'm feeling.

    "I know, and I'm so sorry that I made you feel like this. No one deserves it."

    "I'm sorry, too," I cry out. "I made you feel like this, too. I just didn't know how to deal with all of this. I was angry and upset, and you didn't deserve to be ignored or yelled at like that."