Gehraiyaan.

Chapter 21

My life was falling apart in ways I could never fathom, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Dhruv attempted suicide, and we rushed him to the hospital with his bleeding wrist tied with a thick cotton cloth that only kept soaking up his blood.

In the Ambulance, when Maa cried her lungs out in sheer panic, I couldn't move; I was silenced and my emotions were snatched out of my body.

I was paralyzed throughout drive. I couldn't believe what I laid my eyes on. Every time my eyes fell on his wrist, shivers tickled down my spine, making me shudder.

What did I make him do? Darshan was right - I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. Everything's my fault.

At 4 a.m., Dhruv was rushed straight into the Emergency Ward. Maa and I stood still - and voiceless - in the empty, and noiseless, hallway.

Maa curled up in a corner and sobbed her eyes out. I didn't have what it took to console her. Her son was in the ICU because of the words I spat at him. I don't even have the nerve to face her.

Around two hours later, the doctors walk out of the ICU, removing their face-masks, and the two of us rush towards them, right away.

"He's okay. But we'll have to keep him under observation for at least four days", the doctors inform and walk away.

"You'll have to buy the medicines from any Pharmacy, and pay the bill at the reception", the nurse hands over the bill and while I take the slip between my fingers, another magnanimous worry empties into my heart. Hospital bills. Where will we find the money from?

I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a deserted road, with nowhere to go. That feeling has been my home for years; it's nothing new.

Maa and I exchange perplexed and worrisome looks, before she takes the receipt from my hand and looks down at it. "I'll arrange something", I breathe. "It's okay. I'll work something out for him, Navya", she answers back, coldly, and it takes me an entire minute to let her words sink in. "Maa, I'll take care of it. I can!", I insist. 

"If you can, good for you. But I'm not going to let Dhruv depend on you anymore. You feel you have the rights to pull him down and chase him out just because he eats off your money, right? I won't let that happen again. You don't have to worry about him", Maa tells me and I feel a weight drop in the pit of my stomach.

"M--maa, it's not that. I di---I'm sorry. I was really upset about how everything turned out and I was extremely mad at him. How many times will he keep going back to that life?", my voice cracks.

"But that's not how you talk to people. He's your own brother, but you've never made an effort to accept him. You never treated him like a human, forget about treating him as your brother! People make mistakes, Navya - there are ways to mend them, but spitting hatred at them is never a way. I thought you'd know. You are the mature and compassionate one at home, but when it comes to Dhruv, you always forget about all of that!", she complains.

"I don't want to talk about him the entire day. I'm going to the pawn shop to sell my gold, stay here. If you can", Maa tells me and walks away, stranding me with a thousand sabotaging feelings.

Gritting my teeth together and clenching my hands into balled fist, I attempt to force my tears back.

Maybe, I was wrong. I shouldn't have thrown words at him. Maa was right - whenever I talk to Dhruv, I never spare a moment to filter my thoughts, as though he deserves the hate. And now when I think about it - he has never dragged me down. He has only tolerated everything. Maybe, if I was kinder and caring, things would've been different today. I cannot keep blaming my parents' divorce for our growing distance; we had enough and more chances to fix our relationship, but I wasn't prepared to accept him.