Oh My Captain

Ball 19

"Ano ba She, stop drinking!" rinig kong sigaw ng pinsan ko.

"Akin na yan, Ina... I need it" I pleaded as I stretch my arms to steal it from her.

Mas lalong niyang nilayo sa pang-abot ko. I glare at her. It's my way to forget that doucebag. Tang ina niyang gago niya. Maputol sana ari niya!

Another week has passed again without us talking or resolving our problem. Lagi nalang ba ganito? Ito nalang ba lagi ang solusyon namin? ang hindi mag-usap?

Habang lumilipas ang isang araw na hindi kami nagkakaayos, dinudurog ako. I can't even concentrate with my school works. Wala akong ganang kumain. Tinatamad ako sa lahat ng bagay. This is our first major and longest fight.

To clear my mind and to end this prideful competition, I decided to fly to him in Chicago. Hindi madali yung gagawin ko. I need to bury my fear in order to go to him and make peace.

You better kiss me for this, Silverio! God, so much to do in the name of love.

I already practice my speech before I arrive at his flat. Bumili pa ako ng favorite food niya. Almost to dinner na kasi nang makarating ako sa apartment niya. No one knows that I am here, even my parents. Kung alam nila, hindi nila ako papayagan. Alam nila ang magiging reaction ko kapag nasa ibang bansa na ako.

Like how I am right now. I am frantic and anxious. Lahat ng taong madadaanan ko nakatingin sa akin. I could feel I am sweating a lot. I am anxious, at the same time lacking of air breath.

Kanina ko pa nilulunok ang laway ko dahil parang nanunuyot ang lalamunan ko. The moment I step my foot at the airport, I felt different. Nag-iba ang kondisyon ng paghinga ko. The surroundings became blur. Maybe it is because I had my panic attacks. Nakahinga lang ako nang makasakay ng cab. Hanggang ngayon nagpapanic parin ako pero di kagaya kanina.

I let out a heavy sigh to release the heaviness inside my chest. I shake my hands to remove the trembling.

"You can do this, She....be brave" I said to myself.

I am about to knock on the door when I saw that it was unlocked. It's a little bit open. So, I slowly push the door.

"Babe..." I softly called while removing the coat I am wearing then put it down on the head of his couch.

Naglakad ako patungo sa table malapit sa kitchen. The place looks nice and very Malonzo style. May mga nakasabit din na picture frame of his football team. Nakangiti akong pinagmasdan iyon. It takes me back to college where we all hang out together.

Nilapag ko sa table yung dala kong favorite chicken niya. He told me it was his favorite in here when we were still okay with each other. Nakikita ko din na laging kain-kain niya iyon.

I began walking aroung again. My eyes went to the garments on the floor. It's his pilot uniform. Nakangiti akong napailing. Ang tamad-tamad niyang ilagay sa laundry basket.

I crouched down to pick it up when suddenly I heard a sound. A different kind of sound. It was not from a man but from a woman. My hand began trembling again, not from the panic of my trauma but for something else I don't want to think.

Then, I heard the door squeeked. Ayaw kong tumingala pero traydor ang utak ko. Hawak ng mahigpit ang damit ni Malonzo, inangat ko ang aking paningin.

"Shein.." gulat niya.

I held the fabric tighter as I prevent my tears not to fall. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo. I can feel my bones shaking. What is she doing here?