better for her - nate jacobs

anxiety

Natalie's POV:

After I left Nate at my house, my heart kept sinking so much repeatedly. I suddenly feel so anxious. I park my car and start walking inside of school. My heart was racing and I feel suffocated.

"Hey Natalie! You're on time!" Lexi shouts down the hall as I'm approaching her.
"Hey lex..." I give a weak smile.
"Maddy isn't here, I know she's really upset about not being able to see Nate-"

Oh god, I forgot about Maddy. I was with Nate since yesterday night. And we just had sex.

I couldn't breath anymore.

Lexi looks at me and grabs my hand while pulling me into the girls bathroom. I place my hand over my chest.
"Natalie what's wrong?" Lexi looks at me with a worried look.
"I can't tell you..." tears roll down my face.
"You can tell me." Lexi grabs my hands.
"You can't tell anyone. It's bad... you promise?" I look lexi in the eyes.
"I promise..."  she smiles.
"I love Nate and he told me he loves me too... he spent the night with me today... I totally forgot about Maddy and I feel so ashamed... We had been flirting for awhile. We kissed then we start having sex..." I blurt it all out. Lexi's mouth drops.
"Natalie, this is really bad... Nate isn't a good guy. You know what he did to Maddy." Lexi muttered.
"I know..." more tears fall down my face.
"I won't tell anyone." Lexi hugs me.
"The Nate, I knew back then wouldn't have hurt Maddy" I hug Lexi back.
"You knew Nate before?" Lexi pets my head.
"Yeah when we were twelve years old." I rest my head on her shoulder.
Lexi didn't know what to say. "You and Nate would look cute together." She pulls apart from the hug and looks at me.

Lexi helps me clean myself up and we leave the bathroom to head to class.

During lunch, the vibe at the table was pretty much uncomfortable considering the circumstances of Maddy and Nate. Though, Jules seemed really bothered by something or like she was upset. Rue was worried for Jules. I didn't hear the conversation between those two but Jules got up and walked away.  Lexi sat next me and we mostly talked to each other. No one had really talked to Maddy, we all texted her but she only would reply once and then that's it. The only thing she was worried about was Nate.

School ends.

I meet Lexi at her locker. Cassie and Kat showed up as well.
"Hey have you talked to Maddy, Nat?" I look at Cassie in a anxious way.
"No I haven't... I mean I sent a couple texts but nothing."
"Same here." Kat gives a straight face.
"Let's go visit her?" Cassie looks at Lexi and I.
"Maybe we should give her space." Lexi replies quickly while looking at me.
"Yeah you're right." Kat looks at Cassie.

After the girls and I talked, I walked to my car and left school to go home. I feel so much guilt in my stomach. I was hoping by the time school was over, it would have gone away. I arrive at home.

"Yo." Nate walks up to me as I enter inside. I wave as I make my way to the couch. I plop down.
"So what was our fight about?" Nate sits down next to me.
"What?" I look over at him.
"You know? When we were younger." He brushes his hair back.
"Ah..." I turn my body to face him.

Natalie's Flashback:

After the night my family and I had dinner at the Jacob's house, Nate and I hit it off right away. We were best friends. Nate's family and my family became best friends with each other, even though Dad and Cal were already close. Dad and Cal would get together everyday after work. The weekends, they would go to the bar. Mom and Marsha were pretty close, but honestly Marsha was fake with Mom. Sometimes they didn't get along. Aaron and Mario became brothers with each other. Selena and Danny always tagged along with Aaron and Mario.

Once when I went over to Nate's house. Nate and I were in his room.

"Are you okay Nate?" I sit on the bed as I give Nate a worried look.
"Y-Yeah, why do you say that?" Nate wouldn't look at me. In fact, he just looked at the ground.
"Your face is all red and you're sweating, it's like you saw-"
Nate snapped.
"I said I'm fine!" Nate yells and the room went quiet.
"I'm sorry, it's just I don't know how to feel right now." Nate sits next me and wipes his face.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I pat Nate's back.
"You promise you won't tell anyone?" Nate sticks his pinky towards my direction.
"I promise." I wrap my pinky around Nate's pinky. Nate whispers in my ear.

Basically, Nate told me how Cal had a collection of 'special' videos and how in each other there was a new person with Cal. Now Nate and I were 12 years old so we didn't really understand the concept of sex but in a way Nate did since Nate would watch all those videos Cal collected. Now that wasn't the issue for Nate, the issue was that the people in these videos with cal were both men and women. Marsha didn't appear in any of them. People that Nate ever fucking met. But the videos were all the same...

When Nate and I would get together, we usually went to his room, the park, or ride our bikes around. Wherever we went together, we always held hands. Especially since I've always been so shy and anxious so Nate started holding my hand to help me.

I realized something one day when Nate and I were sitting outside of his house while eating ice cream. I stared deeply at nate while he was rambling on about his work out and body weight. I had developed a massive crush on Nate which I never paid attention to liking Nate. I knew our friendship was a typical to others but to me, it was different.

(This is the only part where Natalie explains to Nate the fight)

Then one day when we turned 13 years old, Nate brought me along with his friends. They were all boys.
"Nate, I'm nervous." I look at Nate while he dragged me by my hand.
"You're fine, they will like you." Nate smiled as we arrived to the park.

"hey!" Nate's friends high five Nate. I stood there quietly.
"Nate, who's the girl?" One of the boys spat.
"This is Natalie. She's cool." Nate smiles. I didn't say anything.
"She seems so plain. Not sure why you brought her Nate." Another one added as they all laughed. I walked up to Nate and grabbed onto his hand. Usually Nate knew the meaning of when I grabbed onto him; anxiety. Expect what I did, made it worst for myself and Nate.

"What is she? Your girlfriend, Nate?!" The boys start laughing. "She's so ugly and weird." One of them spat at me. Nate stood there frozen. Then... he snapped.
"She's not my girlfriend! She just always follows me around! The only reason why I'm friends with her is because I feel bad for her!" Nate looks at his friends for approval. They laugh.
My heart sank and I let go of Nate. Tears streamed down my face.
"Oh look, she's crying!" The kids crack up more. Nate refused to look at me or even acknowledged what he did.
"You don't mean that, Nate!" I yelled.
"Natalie, it's so obvious that you have a crush on me which is so nasty. Get the fuck out of here and don't talk to me anymore!" Nate spat
"There you go, Nate!" They start patting his back and giving him high fives.

I ran away crying. By the time I felt decently better, I looked up and realized I was lost.

"Damn... it's all coming back to me now..." Nate looks down.
"All because I was embarrassed of my friends' comments and I wanted approval.." he throws in. He gives me a sad look.
"It's okay." I smile.
"Did I apologize after?"
"Hmm... you tried but I wasn't having it." I laugh in hope to make Nate laugh as well.

Nate was going through a lot at the age of 12. I figured the trauma affected his memory of us being friends. At first, I was salty that this dude didn't remember but then it really was okay. I realized I was glad we met again, this way.