In Too Deep (A Stray Kids/GOT7 AMBW Fanfic)

Chapter 26 Pt. 1

Days passed by.

Nothing.

Weeks passed by.

Radio silence.

No one spoke to me. Neither father in question at least. After I was discharged, Chris spent an extra 3 days with me before heading back home.

And where did that leave me?

Alone.

Alone for the first time in my entire pregnancy. I was always afraid of doing this alone and now my biggest fear has come to pass in the weirdest and wildest way possible.

My parents did the best they could but let's be honest. They could not bring me the level of comfort and care those men could. I know they mean well but I'm not in the best place to receive the level of care they can provide, ya know?

I locked myself in the room downstairs, only leaving the room for snacks from the kitchen, to use the bathroom, and to doctor's appointments.

I was just going through the motions honestly but it felt like Dai was feeling all of it. No longer did he kick rambunctiously as if he was on a rampage. He calmed significantly which has been worrying me a lot but I was slowly but surely getting used to our new normal.

No dad.

No dads.

Just me and the kid.

I'm grateful though. Even in the midst of everything going on, I know everything is going to work itself. I grateful that I know there's a future where I'm happy with my son. It makes living in the present with this sadness that's weighing on my heart, a bit easier to deal with.

The grass will get greener, but it needs the storm rain to get there. I'm in the eye of my storm.

It will get better.

At least that's what I tell myself to keep from crying every night.

July arrived and began to creep away slowly, my birthday sliding into view.

"Someone has a birthday coming up," Chris cooed over FaceTime.

"As if it's something special," I dismissed.

"Kimmie it is special. This is your last childless birthday. Next year, you'll have a little boy pawing at your cake or swatting at the candles."

I smiled, "I can't wait."

"Me neither!"

"Chris," I started.

"Ne?" He asked concerned. "What's with the tone change? Wae geurae (what's wrong)?!"

"I was just thinking about how I'll have to make this work alone..."

"Kimmie we've been over this and you won't be alone, I'l-"

"Chris be realistic!" I hollered. I took a deep breath and sighed hard. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to take my frustrations out on you but I need you to stop trying to feed me a fool's dream. Whether any of you guys are involved, Dai will never get to spend real time with his Appas or Samchons (uncles). Not freely at least. Even if Felix or Jackson come back... they won't stay. That's what I signed my son up for and I feel so bad."

"But we'll be there whenever we can. We love you even from across the water! Saranghabnida jinjja!" He made a heart above his head and smiled.

"Oh hush," I laughed, wiping a stray tear. "I'm scared of what the future holds but you make me hopeful. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Guess you can thank JYP for making it so that you don't have to." I laughed at his quip, remembering how badly he fucked up. JYP may not  be the sharpest knife in the drawer but damn he still can cut, which is the important part.

"Okay I'm gonna go, I have another check up to get to, I'll call you tomorrow with the results." He waved at the phone before I hung up.

After my fall, my doctor put me on a weekly check up schedule, making sure I was okay and that Dai was okay... especially after I expressed my worry that he wasn't as active as he was previously.

O_o

"The baby is right on track," the doctor assured me. "He's weighing at about 5 1/2 pounds and has strong heart activity. You are progressing well." He wiped the gel of my stomach.

"I still don't want you overexerting yourself, so while we're not putting you on bed rest, I'd like for to remain off your feet as much as possible, okay?"

"Yes Dr. D," I replied, getting off the bed thing. "See you next week!" I left out, set up my next appointment.

I waddled out of the hospital and recorded a video message for the two men that were ignoring me.

"Little life update... again," I started, "Me and Dai are doing fine. I was a little worried because he wasn't kicking as much as normal but the Doctor said I'm doing well and his heart activity is healthy. I think he might come early but the Doctor said he's on track so I don't know..."

I sighed heavily, "I don't even know why I've been making these videos... it's not like you respond. I've done this for what— at least a month and literally nothing. Did you both suddenly stop caring?! Does this all mean nothing? I can't believe that when I really needed you most, you disappeared. You make it seem like it's hard for to pick up a phone and fucking apologize! 'Hey Kimmie, I'm sorry I made you hit your head and I'm sorry I ran away like a lil bitch instead of facing you like a man. I'm sorry for making you feel lonely..."

I dropped my hand holding my phone as tears began to fall and my emotions took over.

"I just don't know how they could've just ditched me without a care. I feel so abandoned. I can't even tell them what I'm truly scared for because they're not here. What if something goes wrong? What if I die during childbirth? What happens then? I don't want to do this by myself but I'm being forced to by the two people who promised they were in this with me. It's just not fair "

I got in my car and closed my phone, crying.

For the last month, I had been sending the boys video update after my weekly doctors visits and every time, they ignored my text.

Jackson was somewhere in China probably and Felix in Korea but both had working phones, so why not let me know wassup?

Was it entirely too hard to make sure the baby was okay?

Was it too hard to face me?

I wracked my brain over and over for the last month trying to figure out what the real issue is or how I could resolve it. Spending all that time alone in my room, you'd think I'd have some sort of clue but I don't.  But the sad truth is...

I don't think I will until the boys finally come home.
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I know. I know. I fucking suck. I welcome all mean comments about not updating for over a year.

I'd blame writer's block but I wouldn't believe me either. I just truly didn't (and still don't) know how I want this story to play out. And I couldn't decide on what this chapter should entail. I've tried writing 3 different versions of this chapter but could never find the words. So, after a year this was the best I could do. I'm so sorry :,(

I'm gonna try to do better but this time I make no promises because I'm a lil shit lol. But I hope you enjoyed this filler. Y'all know the drill but there's nothing to really comment on but my inconsistency, so tell me how you've been! Till next time... -K