In Too Deep (A Stray Kids/GOT7 AMBW Fanfic)

Chapter 26 Pt.2

Felix P.O.V

I ruined everything.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm ready to work hard and not cause anymore issues. So can I please resume activities?"

I do more harm than good... I don't think I'll ever be enough.

I felt broken. Everything was my fault. I felt that the best thing I could do was leave.

All it took was one phone call and I was on a flight back to South Korea to resume group activities. We did have an album coming out in 2 months.

I left my heart in America, laying in a hospital bed. I'm a literal piece of shit... Kimmie deserves better than me.

Hyung called after I landed in South Korea.

"Felix where the hell are you?" He fumed. "Kimmie is gonna wake up soon and be pissed when you're not here. Come back from wherever you're sulking at! I know you feel bad but it was an accident and I'm su-"

"I'm back in South Korea. I'm resuming band activities and I have a bunch of stuff to make up for and learn. Just let me know when she's okay," I replied deadpanned before hanging up.

I didn't wanna listen to him. I didn't wanna feel better. I wanted to feel how I deserved to feel.

It was my fault.

I couldn't keep it together and just like that my happiness was gone. My chance to be with the mother of my child, in the air.

She's laying in a hospital bed, unconscious, with no real guess of when she'll get up, yet you're in your nice, comfortable bed at home... how pathetic.

My conscience berated me for leaving like that. And I'm glad. I don't want it to let up for even a moment. I deserve to be reminded that I'm a coward.

O_o

"She finally woke up," Hyung told me after week. I'd been on eggshells, scared that she might not wake up and the only thing I did for her is run away... I don't know if I could've lived with myself.

"Thank God," I replied, "is she awake right now? How's the baby doing?"

"He's fine, but Kimmie woke up looking for you and had a full fledge panic attack when I told her you went home."

My stomach dropped and the joy I felt of the news was replaced by the horror I now felt. How could I have done this to her?

"She passed out after and now I'm just waiting on her to wake up again. But the worst part is over."

"I should've never left." A tear slipped out as I bit my lip. My eye had turned green as it healed and bruise on the side of my lip had lessened but I still looked as ghastly as I felt.

"Finally something we agree on," he said. "Felix, I know it was a tough time but how could you just leave like that?"

"I just felt so responsible... I-I-I just thought going back to South Korea would be best," I stuttered. I picked at my nails, guiltily, a nasty habit I picked up as a child.

"In what world was that the better option mate?? Running away didn't solve your problem, it created a different problem while also keeping your first problem exactly where it was. Do you see how you haven't helped anyone in this situation?!"

I groaned loudly, "I just keep hurting her Hyung! I'm hurting the person I love most in this world and it's killing me. I hate that I'm a coward and that I'm here and not there. I hate that you're where I should be right now. I hate that I've caused a situation that was easily preventable and I feel guilty. I feel guilty and it fucking sucks." I picked my finger so hard it began to bleed.

"And you know how it is here... I can't leave Hyung, he won't let me. He's having me watched like a hawk. I can't come back until he's born!" I whispered woefully.

"You have to get all of your shit out the way so that you can come back. You've got to knock it out the park."

"Chris please... please stay with her... I need you to be with her as long as you possibly can. Make sure she and the baby are okay. I don't know what I'd do if they weren't."

O_o

I chose not to speak to Kimmie.

I'd love to say it's because of some honorable reason but the truth is I'm scared. I'm scared that the moment I talk to her, I'll hear her voice telling me I'm a poor excuse of a father and that she hopes Jackie is the actual dad. I'm afraid to hear her say I hate you, even though I know I'd deserve it.

I deserted her. I broke her trust. And worst of all I reneged on a promise. We were supposed to be in this together, so how could I leave her when she needed me most?

I couldn't face that.

I couldn't face her.

So I wouldn't. Not until I had the right words to justify myself.

She started sending me videos.

Whenever she went to the doctor's, or if the baby kicked, or bump updates... and I couldn't respond to not one video.

Chris spoke to her almost everyday. So I could stay in my guilty bubble without fear of having to ask her how she was doing myself. He didn't agree with what I was doing but he didn't have to. She was alive, well, and healthy. My son was doing just fine.

I threw myself into my work like my life depended on it. I worked like this was our debut album. Long hours in the studio and even longer hours in the dance studio.

I had to be perfect. I had to make it count. So day in and day out I practiced. I made cute videos for Stay, wishing that I could make their day better.

I was barely sleeping and eating, averaging 4 hours a night and probably 1 meal a day. I even started having protein shakes to offset my lack of eating.

I had to look perfect for Stay. Something had to go right. So it'd be this. It'd be this album. It'd be this comeback.

My son will look back at this time and hopefully think that his father isn't as bad of a guy as I feel, at least that's what I'm praying for.

Home, studio, dance studio, studio, home, and repeat.

My routine for success.

Because something had to go right so Kimmie would know it's was for a good reason. And I pray for the sake of my relationship, this comeback is perfect or I'm fucked.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

* Blows party favor* Surprise (Lee Know voice)

Tadahhhhh now you know why I was stuck. Originally I didn't know who's pov I wanted this chapter from. So I made 3 versions and couldn't commit to any of them so I ended up putting out nothing. I'm still not entirely happy with the chapter 26s but they will do. The part I've been waiting to write are coming soon! Next Chapter will be Jackson's POV lol I wouldn't leave him out. As always, penny for your thoughts, I could use 'em. Until next chapter... -K