Forget Me Not

Chapter Twelve

The regret was tempered by relief. Korn knew he'd overstepped by inviting Mew over to his house. Letting him sleep in his bed. Even the lack of sex had been premeditated. He didn't want to lose himself in his body. He wanted to be held. The exhaustion of trying to fight against a machinery that was intent on chewing him up and spitting him out left him drained; desperate.

He'd seen the confusion in Mew's eyes. The way he stepped around him carefully. The distance he put between them while they slept side by side. But Korn had needed to feel him. Wanted to be around him. Wanted to talk to him and hear what he had to say.

It was both reassuring and disturbing that Mew had allowed it. Waited to eat with him even when he got home late. Held him close when Korn put his head on his shoulder. When he was done with work, he'd told Korn he was leaving and called him to let him know he got home safely.

At the time, it had seemed reasonable. He needed something solid to lean on when the rest of his world was shifting beneath him. He hadn't told Mew that. He hadn't explained his feelings or the reasons behind them. Korn knew his reticence would create a problem.

Giving Mew mixed signals.
Acting as though they were more than occasional fuck buddies.

It didn't pay to blur the lines. Except it was already blurry. He wanted...more. But he wasn't sure he could even ask for it. Yet Mew hadn't hesitated when he'd asked it of him.

"Hello Korn," the call was unexpected and the timing was shit.

"Yihwa." His response was noncommittal on purpose. It had been a long time since he knew what was going on with his friends.

"How are you?"

"Uhm...I'm fine? What's up?"

Korn knew he sounded doubtful but he couldn't get the surprise out of his voice. It was hard for him not to follow up with, 'What do you want?' That would be rude. The thought didn't trouble him as much as it would have before.

"Not much. I was just thinking about you."

"Oh."

That was...new. Or maybe it was old. He couldn't figure it out. What was he supposed to say to that? He was overthinking it but that felt like the right amount. He felt like he was coasting down a hill in a car with no breaks.

"Knock asked about you."

His heart slammed against his rib cage. He let out a gasp and rubbed the spot where he felt the sting of a wound still unhealed. Knock had asked about him. But he hadn't called. He hadn't reached out. So perhaps it was just curiosity. Except Yihwa was talking to him.

"Okay?" He wanted to know more but he didn't know how to ask.

"Don't you care?" Yihwa asked and he could hear her sigh over the phone.

"I'm sorry?" Korn asked harshly then cleared his throat and counted to 10. Then counted again. "What exactly do you want me to say?"

He waited but there was only silence followed by another sigh.

"Tell me what I haven't already done or said that will make a damn difference and I promise to do it, right now. You called me. You give me this titbit of information I can't do anything about and expect me to...what? What do you want? To stick it to me some more? Ugh..."

Korn hung up.

It was the first time he'd been so overcome by anger that he couldn't hold back. Taking out on Yihwa wasn't fair. In his defence, he was finally done trying to fix something that he couldn't. He couldn't deal with more hoops to jump through. He just needed to focus on what he had the power to influence.