Eternal Roses

𝐗𝐗𝐈𝐕

Génesis POV
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"Too bad it's too late for that now isn't it, as fun as this has been I must be going." 

Bang. Bang. 

I jumped up from my sleep in a fit of sweat and breathing extremely heavily. Stitch jumped up and laid his head in my lap as he usually does when I wake up from a nightmare. He's grown up to be such a protector, Matías would be proud of him.

Even after three and a half years saying his name and thinking about him hurt more and more. After the first week of trying to convince myself it was a bad joke and he'd walk through the door I had to face reality when his funeral came. 

"Conejita, we have to go, everyone is already there," Aurora said softly walking towards where I Was standing looking out the window. 

I took a deep breath holding back my sobs, all I wanted to do was crawl into the darkest hole and die. My whole world came crumbling down and nothing or no one could make me feel better about it. 

"They didn't even send his body back, how am I supposed to say goodbye to an empty box?" I turned to her with tears streaming down my face. 

She rushed closer to me grabbing a tissue from her bag and wiping my face, I hadn't bothered to put makeup on knowing I was bound to cry it all off.

My entire body ached from exhaustion, depression, guilt, and loss. Not just loss for Mat loss for myself, whenever I was around him I felt like I knew who I was. I could be myself even with the worst parts of me and without him, I didn't feel like me. 

"I have no idea how you're feeling and I couldn't begin to imagine. I'm not going to tell you to be strong, I can do that part for you. I need you to just let me help you get through today, okay?" 

She was literally my safe haven right now, everywhere else I was forcing myself to put on a brave face. She was allowing me to just feel and that I could never thank you enough or repay her, but I'd spend the rest of my life trying. 

Holding her hand I nodded letting her know I agreed and was ready to go. I wasn't really ready, but I didn't have a choice. I had to bury an empty box and say goodbye to the love of my life. 

Getting up from the bed I opened the door letting Stitch out so he can go do his own morning routine. He's gotten used to walking around outside, using the bathroom, and eating all while I get myself ready. I contemplated moving rooms, at first I slept downstairs because coming up here hurt too bad. 

After about a month I finally got the courage to come upstairs and broke down again at the top of the stairs. Two months later I made it to the door, it took a full six months before I was actually able to come into the room. I never stayed in here for long, some days it'd be for minutes at a time. As the days went on the longer I began to stay in the room before I started sleeping in here again. 

It felt like the last piece I had of him, at first I thought him being gone would've brought Mateo and I even closer. Instead, he dug the knife even further into my heart. 

"If it wasn't for you he'd still be here, this whole arrangement was to keep you safe, and look what happened. I lost my fucking brother and it should've been you." 

He slammed the phone into the floor next to me where silent sobs were uncontrollably leaving me. Every word that slipped from his lips tore through my body like the bullets I'd just heard leave the chamber of the gun from the other line. 

He was absolutely right it was all of my fault, granted I didn't arrange the deal personally. I didn't stop either one of us from catching feelings, I always knew there was a risk when a man cared for or loved a woman in this business. Papa had the same weakness when it came to Mama, he was just always extremely careful.